Processing our feelings about processing...

[ConcernedSheep]

We are having our first lambs processed next week, and I was hoping some more experienced folks could share how things went their first time so I feel less alone in my feelings and maybe better prepared…

We adopted 3 ewes whose owner had passed away, and 2 came to us pregnant (a Katahdin and an American Blackbelly, both bred by an Icelandic ram). Both had twins in April last year, 3 ram lambs and 1 ewe lamb. We initially discussed processing the ram lambs and keeping the ewe lamb, but decided that we didn’t want to shear every year, and we prefer to stick to strictly hair sheep. The Blackbelly’s twins also had horns, which we have found somewhat difficult to manage during handling (and also they broke them on a couple occasions, resulting in some bleeding). So, we wethered the ram lambs and planned to process between 6-10 months. Later last year, we briefly entertained the idea of keeping them all as pets/lawnmowers, but it’s been a very dry winter and we’ve still had to be supplementing with hay even this late in winter (we’re in California, so our grazing season is opposite some other places). So, to save on feed and not have to shear yearly, we’ve decided to process while they’re still under a year.

We are having a local professional ranch butcher come out to process for us, since we’ve never done it before. I asked about methods, and he assured me that a humane end is a top priority. He will be shooting them before bleeding out. I feel I would be doing them a dishonor by not being present for the process, but I worry about my ability to withstand it. I eat meat, I am not a vegetarian or vegan, and I feel that I have a responsibility to understand the ramifications of my meat eating. I have great respect for the animals that provide our sustenance, and I consider it a privilege to be able to raise my own meat and have happy, healthy food that was deeply cared for in life and never knew cruelty or confinement. But I also have OCD, and struggle with intrusive thoughts and replaying/ruminating on traumatic events/imagery, so I worry that what I see may keep me up at night.

I would like to hear from others, about your experiences, what it was like the first time, how you felt afterward, what went better/worse than you expected, and what you learned or might do differently? Sorry in advance if anyone thinks this is silly, I can be quite emotional and sensitive about these things but I don’t necessarily consider that to be a bad thing. I was a vet tech for over a decade so I have seen many animals die, not always peacefully, but since I’ve raised these lambs from birth it feels different for some reason.

 

[GLENMAR]

I've been through this a few times. I raise Scottish Highland Cattle. Most of mine are sold as breeding stock, but we have taken 2 to butchers. The first time I started a tradition. Since they are Scottish, I got a bottle of Scotch and we would have a toast to honor the guy after we got home. I was sad about a beautiful young animal being gone, but realized that his purpose was to feed us. I liked having a clear conscience about knowing how the animal lived.
Getting ready to take my 3rd one next month. I'll have my bottle of scotch ready.

You can't raise an animal from birth that long without having some feelings.

 

[SteepedInSheep]

I sympathize with what you mean with replaying things and stuff. I do the same about things I find upsetting.

Really, you know yourself best. If this is something that's likely to bother you and keep you awake, I see no reason to be there for the processing. The sheep won't know either way. You've already done right by them, raising them and caring for them up to this point. You have already said you have deep respect and it's not as if you are unaware where the meat comes from that you consume.

Now, as someone who grew up adoring animals, I never would have thought I could handle seeing an animal be slaughtered or assist in the butchering process. I have found I can handle it. Yes, for our animals we've had for years (thinking beef cattle) watching my husband shoot them always brings a few tears. And it IS graphic. It's very humane to shoot them in the head before slicing the throat, so I'm not worried about them suffering, but there's a LOT of blood and thrashing. That hasn't bothered me very much, but something for you to consider.
I really don't think you need to feel guilty about not being there when it's "time".
And sometimes, despite our best efforts, things can go wrong and the kill shot may not be a kill shot on the first try. You don't need to *potentially* put yourself through that.

 

[Ridgetop]

It can be sad the first time you bring an animal to slaughter. I would recommend that you don't remain to witness it since you are already facing problems about the act. Drop the animal off at the butcher and pick up your meat in nice wrapped packages when it is ready. If the butcher is doing the deed on your property, go inside the house and have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine (a la GlenMar) while he does his job.

I have put down animals myself when necessary - unable to give birth, traumatic injury, etc. to stop them suffering when there was no hope. It was not easy since these were breeding stock and "pets". When we raised our first meat animals the children were young and wanted to give them names. We allowed them to select from a list - Lamb Chop, Rib roast, Ham Hocks, Pork Chop, Bacon, etc. That reminded the kids that these animals were bred for the purpose of feeding our family. "Pet" names were reserved for the breeding stock.

Again, it is not necessary to be present when the killing is done. These are your first meat animals, you gave them a good life, your reasons for butchering them to fill the freezer are good. Don't torture yourself by trying to bravely witness this. Drop them off and go home.

 

[ConcernedSheep]

I've been through this a few times. I raise Scottish Highland Cattle. Most of mine are sold as breeding stock, but we have taken 2 to butchers. The first time I started a tradition. Since they are Scottish, I got a bottle of Scotch and we would have a toast to honor the guy after we got home. I was sad about a beautiful young animal being gone, but realized that his purpose was to feed us. I liked having a clear conscience about knowing how the animal lived.
Getting ready to take my 3rd one next month. I'll have my bottle of scotch ready.

You can't raise an animal from birth that long without having some feelings.

I love the idea of creating a sort of ceremony around the process. That’s very sweet. Thank you for your input, I really appreciate you sharing that. Cheers

 

[ConcernedSheep]

I sympathize with what you mean with replaying things and stuff. I do the same about things I find upsetting.

Really, you know yourself best. If this is something that's likely to bother you and keep you awake, I see no reason to be there for the processing. The sheep won't know either way. You've already done right by them, raising them and caring for them up to this point. You have already said you have deep respect and it's not as if you are unaware where the meat comes from that you consume.

Now, as someone who grew up adoring animals, I never would have thought I could handle seeing an animal be slaughtered or assist in the butchering process. I have found I can handle it. Yes, for our animals we've had for years (thinking beef cattle) watching my husband shoot them always brings a few tears. And it IS graphic. It's very humane to shoot them in the head before slicing the throat, so I'm not worried about them suffering, but there's a LOT of blood and thrashing. That hasn't bothered me very much, but something for you to consider.
I really don't think you need to feel guilty about not being there when it's "time".
And sometimes, despite our best efforts, things can go wrong and the kill shot may not be a kill shot on the first try. You don't need to *potentially* put yourself through that.

Thank you so much, I appreciate your perspective. That helps alleviate some of my guilt. I will keep my own limitations in mind and give myself grace, it’s true I have done all I can do to give them a good life until this point. That really helps, thank you <3 I think that will make things easier for me for sure. I’ll spend some time with them the day before and give them lots of treats and say my goodbyes.

 

[ConcernedSheep]

It can be sad the first time you bring an animal to slaughter. I would recommend that you don't remain to witness it since you are already facing problems about the act. Drop the animal off at the butcher and pick up your meat in nice wrapped packages when it is ready. If the butcher is doing the deed on your property, go inside the house and have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine (a la GlenMar) while he does his job.

I have put down animals myself when necessary - unable to give birth, traumatic injury, etc. to stop them suffering when there was no hope. It was not easy since these were breeding stock and "pets". When we raised our first meat animals the children were young and wanted to give them names. We allowed them to select from a list - Lamb Chop, Rib roast, Ham Hocks, Pork Chop, Bacon, etc. That reminded the kids that these animals were bred for the purpose of feeding our family. "Pet" names were reserved for the breeding stock.

Again, it is not necessary to be present when the killing is done. These are your first meat animals, you gave them a good life, your reasons for butchering them to fill the freezer are good. Don't torture yourself by trying to bravely witness this. Drop them off and go home.

I think you're right, I think there’s definitely part of me that believes I need to suffer in order to make the process more acceptable for some reason… Thank you for your perspective, it helps a lot.

 

[GLENMAR]

Yep. I'd rather drop them off and pick up packages later.

 

[SageHill]

I do have a butcher/processor come out. I have the lambs all set and ready to go in a small pen before he gets there.
I'm there for the entire process. It doesn't bother me, and I'm nice to my sheep and all so it's not like I don't "know" them. And yes, we do eat what we get as well as others who come to us buy a lamb, and then can be here or can pick up at the butcher's.

 

[secuono]

With the bull that happened with my bull this year, I'd make sure they use heavy artillery and that each animal is 100% contained for the cull.
Do not accept anything less!

In general, do not interact with or even think of meat animals as lawnmowers in the future, just makes it a bit easier until you're used to culling them. And with yearly animals, that may take several years to get there.

Yes, be there. Ensure they are contained and calm for the cull. Make sure butcher has proper riffle to drop them with one shot! You can be facing the other way for this and the bleeding.