Samssimonsays: Blazing Acres journal

My heart aches for my sweet girl. Today marks one week without her.. It still feels unreal. I still wait for her to walk up and ask for kisses. For her paw to reach for my hand. For her smiling face to be looking at me with her loving eyes. Yesterday we brought our sadies ashes home and it all felt so real. For the first time reality really struck me that she was gone. Feeling heavy, sad and all around empty missing her. We hadn't gotten used to a home without rumely. I could go on and on about the pain and hurt but I'm the end we are happy she will never know another seizure again. That we did what was best for her, not us and in doing so it left a hole in our hearts and lives. She was a special dog. A once in a lifetime dog and she can never be replaced. Right now I'm honestly not sure if I can ever love another dog. Only time will tell if these wounds ever come close to scaring as they will never heal, only become less painful.

It sure is difficult sometimes to get past things that have such "Meaning" in our lives....and "Reality" is sure tough to swallow, much less "Chew" on it. However, her memories will forever be with you, and yes, she will always be in your "Heart".....but, just as she was alive, she shared you with all the others....and they have a place in your "Heart" too. If I have never learned anything about you, I have learned that your "Heart" is as big as this Website and there will be a "Place" for each of them, too. You are way too young to "Shut the Doors" to all those just Waiting to earn tbeir "Place" there too. So, forget the bad and leave it behind ya....lift up your Head and focus Ahead....the Good memories will always be with you and it is because of the "Experience", that molds and shapes ya into "Who" you are...and Will be. Don't cheat yourself and those others in that big ole "Heart" that ya Have...

Well said!

Thank you for your beautiful words. Right now the thought of another dog is not even something that I can grasp. Do I miss two and three dogs? Yeah. It's been almost 9 years since I've had only one dog. Majority of that has been with three.

The fact that she was born into my hands and at that very instant there was a special connection that I could never fully explain I think makes it so much more difficult. The constant love and attention that her and rumely required and would ask for really leaves this gap. Stella is very independent and does not want love like them. She accepts it but will walk away when she's had enough. Sadie would just cuddle and soak it all up forever if given the chance and we gave her everything after we lost rumely. Just very empty with constant reminders of her.

I will make it through this just fine in the end, it is just a matter of when the hurt lessens...

I have no words, just

I have just been taking a bit of a breather. Sometimes life just gets buys, crazy and hard to handle and I couldn't find myself to post except how I was feeling which wasn't good. Besides being sad, I have been exhausted from work and home and everything.

Winter here has been beating me down, bringing me back up and then beating me down harder again lately as well. Tornado warnings, severe thunder storms and 50+ MPH winds the past couple days. Snow and -temps, warm up to near 60* and then plumet and do this wind T storm thing. Goats are unhappy. and until this last weekend I found they were also not bred. (olive should be still and she was the only one I was able to get urine to test from). Just felt defeated lately.

Last ngiht in the major winds, the hay feeder and one of the shelters was blowing apart so afraid taht the main shelter would blow apart too I made a stall in the barn for the 5 outside goats (rebel never got his winter coat so he has a cushy stall to himself unless the temps are nice). SO, I make this stall, I leave and get a bale of hay and come back (literally 10 seconds) and May has DESTROYED everything I had just done. So, I do it again. Better. And she was mad she couldn't destroy it so she started butting Olive. Oh H3CK NO! So I spent a while trying to get her to quit being a B word and she wouldn't stop then Roscoe started picking on Olive as well. Nope, not having it. I snapped. May and Roscoe almost ended up in the freezer BUT, instead they ended up back out in their pen for the night alone. May continued to scream like I was out there skinning her alive for about 2 hours before she realized I was not giving in. It may sound harsh but I was not having her cause Olive to abort her kids this close to my first kidding! May pushes my buttons and we didn't get off the the best start with her killing my rabbits and trying to kill the dogs and cat.... We still have a rocky relationship when it comes to things she knows push my buttons. She has broken everything I build for them, bent and warped the fence in places and soooo much more. I'm really not sure what is keeping her here right now honestly. But, anyways. Here are some pics from the weekend.


Ok, maybe not.... All of my photos are too large I guess? They are no different than any other time so hmmm.... Well, anyway, here is Rebel being all photogenic and all. Gosh I love this boy.

Well, I did some screen shots of my photos and it worked....