Canesisters 2023 journal - turning my Disasters into Delights

Finnie

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canesisters

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Ups and downs.
I KNOW that I"m my own worst critic ... but that's not stopped me from beating myself up about how much I'm Struggling with this. The woman training me is nice and is trying to be patient. I can tell that she gets frustrated sometimes when she has had to tell me something for the umteenth time...
I've brought home copies of some of the pricing things that I've struggled with so I can work through them alone (& without someone litterally looking over my shoulder) and that's helping.
I pretty much just sat & watched Monday - and was completely and totally LOST at what she was doing - and how FAST she was doing it.
Tuesday the frustration started as we switched seats and she had me do a lot of stuff (click here, type this, click there) but I didn't know what I was doing.
Wednesday the nerves and frustration got worse as I tried to do some tasks without having to ask - but still had very little understanding about the HUGE amount of totally unfamiliar info I had been given.
Thurs I thought I was doing 'ok' until I got so frustrated that I just started 'leaking' those quiet frustrated tears. Embarrasing... That was when I started creating homework for myself.
Friday was better. The tasks I had struggled so hard with Thurs went so much smoother.
I've just finished re-writing my notes, again. I'm still not super clear on what the process should be - start with this, then do this, then this & this, etc. It FEELS like we've just been jumping willy-nilly from one thing to another but I'm sure she's got a process. That's what I've got to make notes on tomorrow I think.
She mentioned that she might be off Tuesday.. and MAYBE off until Thursday.. so I'm pretty well freaked out about that.
Everyone I've met has been really nice. I keep telling myself that the insecurities that I keep feeling are more likely an aftereffect of the past year combined with NOT being the experineced 'top dog' for the first time in a LONG time than anyone actually thinking badly of how fast I'm 'getting' this.... but it's geting to me a little bit.

The drive is a little bit longer - BUT I found out Friday that I can open and 'account' and buy gas right there at the plant AT COST! So that's going to be a plus!

Between the last month at the landfill & trying to leave things as prepared as possible there, and the mental exhaustion of strting new, almost nothing has gotten done around here. I had hoped to get a few chores done - mowing and such - this weekend but it rained all day Sat and I ran errands for several hours after church.. so the weekend got away from me.

Really enjoyed catching up on a few of the threads. I've missed so much that I just read through the last page or so... hope I haven't missed anything BIG?

Edited to add - I forgot - DID get 1 'farmy' thing done - first delivery of 2 round bales into the hay wagon Sat. And, Blossom is in heat again.
 
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