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Herd Humor

Discussion in 'Utterly Contagious Games, Jokes & Fun' started by Beekissed, Aug 10, 2016.

  1. Mar 19, 2017
    NH homesteader

    NH homesteader True BYH Addict

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    LOVE IT!
     
    Alexz7272 likes this.
  2. Mar 19, 2017
    Poka_Doodle

    Poka_Doodle True BYH Addict

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    My rooster...
     
    Alexz7272 likes this.
  3. Mar 20, 2017
    Baymule

    Baymule Herd Master

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    Southeast Texas
    I found this on @tressa27884 facebook page..........someone obviously KNOWS me!

    1. ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS
      1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
      2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice ...does not mean we can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.
      3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
      4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
      5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
      6. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are you?"
      7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
      8. If you hear a redneck say, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way, these are likely his last words ever.
      9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
      10. There are no delis. Don't ask.
      11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
      12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.
      13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven.
      14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
      15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.
      16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer.
      17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
      18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.
      19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.
      20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
      21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
      22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'Margarita.'
      23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
      24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
      25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".
      26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
      27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.
      28. "Tea" = Sweet Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
      29. Everything is better with Ranch dressing.
     
  4. Mar 20, 2017
    Bruce

    Bruce True BYH Addict

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    Glad to hear she is still alive! Haven't seen any posts here lately. Of course I could just be missing them.
     
    animalmom likes this.
  5. Mar 20, 2017
    Baymule

    Baymule Herd Master

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    Location:
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    30. Vegetables are rolled in cornmeal and FRIED.
    31. Meat is dredged in flour and FRIED.
    32. Yonder is a measurement of distance. As in, from here to yonder or over yonder ways.
    33. Howsyermomernem is a polite question. Translated it means "How's your mom and them? (them being the rest of the family)
    34. Howdy and Hiday both mean "Hello".
    35. Drunker than Cooter Brown means totally wasted. Cooter Brown must have been a famous drunk.
    36. A six pack of Texas Whup-Ass is a fearsome thing and you don't want one.
    37. If you are invited to a bonfire down a dead end dirt road miles from nowhere-go! It will provide marvelous insight into what makes Texans tick.
    38. Pick up trucks are the preferred mode of transportation.
    39. There are stores that sell nothing but pick up truck accessories-and they will install them for you.
    40. The most jacked up, decked out truck, with Floor Mats, Custom Chrome Grille, Tonneau Cover, Bed Sliders, Headlights, Light Bars, Nerf Bars, Chrome Trim, Mudflaps, Lift Kit, Ranch Hand Bumper, Warn 8,000 Pound Winch, Magnaflow Exhaust, Custom Wheels, Trailer Hitch, Rain Guards, Fender Flares, Off Road LED Lights, Bug Deflector, Aluminum Diamond Plate Tool Box, Bed Rails and Headache Rack is the WINNER.
     
    Ferguson K and Poka_Doodle like this.
  6. Mar 24, 2017 at 11:27 AM
    lcertuche

    lcertuche Loving the herd life

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    Location:
    Arkansas
  7. Mar 24, 2017 at 4:13 PM
    Alexz7272

    Alexz7272 Loving the herd life

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    Location:
    Longmont, Colorado
  8. Mar 24, 2017 at 4:19 PM
    Alexz7272

    Alexz7272 Loving the herd life

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    Clearly not doing anything productive right now :hide

    10269518_294882730678397_5297876168364792665_n.jpg 10342465_294881240678546_9094589872529787806_n.jpg
     
    Poka_Doodle and TAH like this.
  9. Mar 27, 2017 at 6:37 PM
    Bruce

    Bruce True BYH Addict

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    So true! There is only 1 day in the week of a farmer, it is called "today".
     
    Poka_Doodle and promiseacres like this.