horse & husband related frustrations....

[promiseacres]

Ok so a brief background. Last year my Mom offered her deceased husband's horse, Duke. Duke is a 18 year old Morgan. Has been extensively trail ridden, ect. I rode him on the trails and felt he would do ok, though he does like to lead and can get a bit antsy. In college I rode ALOT and all kinds of horses. but since then haven't had riding horses due to life and no one to ride with. My kids are 2, 5 and 8. So it seemed like a good thing to back into. We went camping with the horses with family later in the summer borrowed their horses. Just as it wasn't easy to bring Duke and the camper.... Duke did pretty good last summer and fall, was rode by a friend's daughter and my own kids in our horse pens. And my Mom offered us Magician his brother, we knew Magician needed more time but he ended up being a total BUTT.... so sent him back. And in the meantime (a family of 5 does need more than 1 horse, right?) I found and bought Richie, my hafflinger.
In any case last week I had a Whitney, who trains as a hobby come give the Duke and Richie a spring tune up as it's been since December that Duke had been worked.... And Richie can be somewhat spooky but just mostly looks. I frankly can be a timid rider and am not a trainer. So she's focusing on Duke as he's showing a lot of attitude and being a butt. Not bad but it's making me realize despite his age and training he needs regular riding.... My DH who last fall was all for the 2nd trail horse.... has not ridden since September. And many times fusses when I do work with them as there's other "more" important things to do. Sometimes he might be right, but the horses NEED time if they are going to be safe sane trail horses. I don't know... he's upset I'm paying someone to work with them as he thinks I should be able to do it....but when and when they are naughty I again am not a trainer.... DH does have issues with pain in his bad ankle, that was broke 2 years ago and I know he prefers trail riding other than riding on our 4 acres.... I guess I should of stuck to 1 horse... and we could borrow when/if he decides he wants to ride. but now I have Richie, who frankly is sincerely a horse I've wanted for a long time. And is such a kind hearted boy. Am very tempted to send Duke back to my Mom's BUT she never enjoyed riding him and really wants him to stay in the family, and she DOES not need another horse, she's still trying to decide who stays down to 6 from 12. Or my friend's who introduced me to Whitney are looking for a horse... not sure he's a good match but can talk to Whitney about that as she's been giving lessons to their daughter. I think he'll be good but needs worked consistently and am sure certain fussy behaviors she's working with him on were ignored in the past. If I knew for sure I had someone to come over and ride I wouldn't worry so much. My oldest likes to ride but he's a boy and not super into it.... and my girls are just too young to ride/work a horse UGH!!!! thanks for reading and open to any outside opinions. Am so excited to be have riding horses again but really feeling like it's getting too stressful.

 

[NH homesteader]

So are you asking if we think you should try to find a home for Duke? There are a lot of things to consider... I hope I don't offend you with this minor ramble but this is what I'm thinking...

Horses don't like being alone. So if you were to only have one horse, how would he do with that?

My husband grew up on a horse farm and he believes strongly that you should not have more horses than you can work with in a day. Also, you shouldn't feel like you have to keep him solely because your mother doesn't need more horses.

I also believe that you and your husband need to discuss/decide what exactly you want to do here, it's not a good situation to have frequent disagreements about livestock.

Even when your girls are old enough to ride, they may or may not want to, and he may not be a safe horse for them.

I don't think there is a "right" answer, but I think you and your family need to talk about it for sure.

 

[promiseacres]

Yes am somewhat leaning towards getting rid of Duke... and Richie won't be alone as we have 3 minis, 1 of which is not going anywhere...
I know more conversations.... ugh. I am hoping to see some improvement with his attitude. Right now we are working on his separation anxiety by tying him away from the others. (Which my husband thinks is unnecessary!? & is upset as the yard got tore up from Duke's pacing so I did find a new spot to tye him today. But am limited as bad timing with us seeding all 3 horse pastures on Saturday ) Whitney is taking him off property Sunday for a full day of hard riding.

We have a horse camp trip planned for Memorial day weekend and I just want the horses ready.... and my seasoned trail horse is being a butt.

 

[samssimonsays]

I have to agree with the above. This is a big decision. ... is it possible you lease him out to someone who is wanting a horse but can't own one due to property or space? Then he is being used and ridden and he is still there for when you need him?

 

[NH homesteader]

Well, I also would say that maybe just having Richie, who you are more comfortable with, might help you gain confidence so you can search for a second horse down the road (maybe when your girls are older) that will be a better fit.

 

[AClark]

The thing is, it doesn't sound like DH is "into" the horses. He may like riding, but doesn't sound like he enjoys the general upkeep and all the work involved with keeping them good for riding. Most horses act goofy when they aren't ridden regularly. My DH is the same way, except he loves the horses, but hasn't ridden his yet, the difference is, I am confident when riding and can handle these guys, so if they act like a jackass, I'll tune them up myself. I understand having a bad ankle being a drawback, however, it's about how bad you want to do it. I've had a knee surgery, and on the same leg my hip, leg, and ankle have been broken - all but the ankle were horse riding accidents. I pay for it after I ride, but to me it is worth hobbling around for a couple of days, and it will get better with more riding (well, most of it.) There's no shame in not wanting to do something that hurts, but unless you can afford the tune ups for a horse that isn't getting ridden frequently enough to "maintain" the tune up, it's probably best to let him go and maybe find something more suitable - like an old dead broke horse that doesn't need tune ups.

I don't mean to come across as blunt, but not all horses are made for all riders. I wouldn't dare put DH or any of my kids on my horse, as she's too much horse for them and she's always going to be a lot of horse - some are just that way, and they belong with people who can deal with it. She would hurt one of them for sure. The horse I bought for my kids I would put anyone on, the only trouble they might have is making her do something, as she's kind of lazy and only plow reins, which I'll fix after she foals.

I think it would probably make everyone happier if your DH can just borrow a horse the few times he goes riding. Most folks don't want to ride a horse that's going to give them a bad time, and the only way to get them to stop giving you a bad time is to ride them more and work it out. Especially if it comes down to finances, either he needs to ride him more often to keep him in working shape, or let him go if affording someone constantly having to tune him up is prohibitive. I know it would be for me if I had to have my guys tuned up with any frequency, rather than hopping on and having some "come to Jesus" moments myself.

 

[promiseacres]

@samssimonsays last fall I did have a teen riding him. But it got cold and she's been busy.... and she's fairly green. Very glad I have Whitney working with him. Definitely not easy to find an experienced trust worthy rider willing.
@NH homesteader DH totally doesn't understand my anxiety about riding... and the need for some experienced to help.... And yes my conflicting feelings are very frustrating.

thanks for replying I just needed a safe place to rant with people who get my horse addiction.

 

[Bunnylady]

Some observations on husbands . . . .

Sometimes, they just want to gripe. Doesn't matter what you do, they are gonna gripe. Maybe they don't really expect you to do anything about it, maybe it really doesn't have anything to do with the thing they are griping about at all - you "fix" that, they find something else to gripe about.

Husbands that aren't really horse people are notorious for fussing about anything, anything at all, having to do with horses. The expense, the smell, the time, the hay, the torn up grass . . . the kid rides around with his go-cart, doing more damage than a horse ever does, and he says nothing, but a couple of hoofprints in the driveway make him all cranky. But of course, the go-cart was his gift to the kid, so he's glad to see the kid playing with it, the other - well, that's the horse.

Pathetic as it sounds, in the above scenario, the husband is actually jealous of the horse. It's a lot more common than we'd like to think; anything that takes wife's attention away from husband and his interests make him feel insecure and jealous. When he complains about the horse, what he's really saying is, "pay attention to ME!!"

 

[promiseacres]

@AClark I agree not every horse and rider click
and Duke was doing decent when we didn't have another trail horse and being worked every week or there abouts. So I have hope that he will improve. I just hope we can keep him at a level where we don't get the attitude. I was never really keen on my mom's horses, they all seemed very spoiled brats, which Duke is showing me his brattyness.

 

[AClark]

Bunny hit the nail on the head. I've found the only way to combat that is to get DH involved with the horse antics so it's spending time together AND with the horses. He likes them though.
Our gripe is over the stupid TV. I don't care for watching TV, he likes to watch it at bed time. I fell asleep at 8 the other night and haven't heard the end of it since, falling asleep during "our" TV time. However, it's ok that he falls asleep within 20 minutes of the TV coming on frequently - but that's ok because he's tired...wtf? lol