IS this even a farm? Canesister's 2026

[fuzzi]

Servepro & insurance have FINALLY come to an agreement.
It looks like he's going to get quite a bit more done than I thought - which is FINE with me.
Since my sister's accident, she has been in quite a bit of pain & missed quite a bit of work.... to the point that the family she's been working for let her go. This, naturally, has her beyond upset & as many of us know, being in constant pain can consume your life.
So... the one thing I asked her to do to help with Dad (find out what options we have to get a cleaner in on a regular basis) has fallen to me.
My friend Amy - the one who helped me with 'The Big Barn Cleanout' and also has helped with the initial cleaning at Dad's - used to have a cleaning business. She's been super busy with her granddaughter for a while... but now, with her heading to college soon, Amy is looking for something to keep busy with. I asked if she would consider taking the job. She knows my Dad, she knows exactly how bad the house started out & what still needs to be done. And she has a better relationship with him than I do.
Amy & I had given up on the hope of ever getting the kitchen & living room floors clean. But it looks like they are BOTH getting completely replaced.
The kitchen wasn't affected at all & only a small portion of the living room was slightly damaged. But.... since the dining room & kitchen don't have a threshold between them, the kitchen gets the same new floor as the rest of the build-back. And since part of the hall carpet is so old & delaminating (sp?), they can't butt new carpet up to it.... he gets new all the way through!
Anywho - once servepro gets around to actually scheduling the work to begin - we'll be on the way back to normal.
I'm guessing that he might be home by late May/early June. And with Amy coming 2x a month to clean, I will feel soooo much better about his living conditions AND she will have no problem letting me know if she sees anything going on that I should know about.

And on top of it all I got 6 big'ol asparagus spears this morning AND the girls are making eggs like little machines.
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And.... my trainee has this little orange guy who should be looking for a home about the time Dad leaves..
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... because what breathes life into a home faster than a kitten?!?

Lots of good news!

You have Easter eggs, how pretty

 

[Baymule]

Things are finally falling into place. New flooring! And a real good cleaning. Having your friend Amy cleaning for your Dad twice a month is a great idea.

 

[canesisters]

The things I want to scream so far this morning - but it will instantly become 'I'm a pitiful old man & didn't know any better.... I'll just go lay in my bed & wait to die... that's all I'm good for anymore.....'

 Take your freaking allergy meds!!!! My sofa covers are not for wiping your hands on after you sneeze!

There are 7 (SEVEN!!!!) boxes of tissues between your bed, your bath, the den, the kitchen & the living room. Stop using paper towels!! And stop leaving them wadded up & stuffed in those sofa cushions!!!!

Getting dishes wet does not clean them. A trickle of cold water does not clean a frying pan. And glasses & coffee mugs still need washing! Things that have liquid in them aren't automatically clean when the liquid is dumped out.

If you refuse to wash your hands.... do NOT keep getting insulted when I'm suddenly not hungry after you fix some food.

Sitting in a silent house staring at a wall for hours & hours... and hours is not normal. And, at least for me, not 'peaceful'. It feels like a waiting room & makes me anxious. Stop following me when I refuse to sit silently with you & go to the other room to watch TV just so you can make snarky comments about what I'm watching.

And for Pete's sake take a freaking shower more than once a week!


..... I'm not going to make it through this.

 

[Ridgetop]

We are here for you!

DH will often try to go somewhere in a dirty shirt after working in the barn and can't understand why I won't let him out the door until he changes. In the mirror a man sees a 25 year old stud. They don't understand that others see a dirty old man.

Hopefully, when the house is finished and he is home your dad will feel more comfortable and less like "waiting to die". Is there a Senior Center anywhere that he could go to? He could play cards or dominoes with other older men and make some friends. Some of the centers have transportation, some serve lunch.

 

[farmerjan]

Yes you are going to make it through this because there IS AN END IN SIGHT....

And tell him point blank.... stop being sooooo nice....that you want the dishes either washed in soapy water or left in the sink for you to wash (or do you have a dishwasher?) .
DO NOT buy any more paper towels... keep them in your bedroom if you must. So he has to use the tissues.

AND, I am going to watch some TV and you can either sit and watch with me without making comments, or you can stay in the other room and not watch anything. I WANT some totally stupid show to watch so I can ESCAPE from my day to day work load.

Don't know what to tell him about the shower thing... old people seem to think they don't smell because they don't "do anything" to get smelly/dirty.... and they have very compromised "smelling abilities" as they get older... so don't smell themselves because they become immune to it.

And if he starts the pitiful old man and he should just go in his room and die... hard as this is... tell him then go ahead.... he spent all those years trying to teach you things like cleanliness and stuff... you were not supposed to come to the table with dirty hands. you were supposed to blow your nose on the tissues and NOT wipe it off with your sleeve... and if he has suddenly decided that it is not important, because he is going to die anyway, then that is his choice... but YOU are not going to live like that, in your own house.

TOUGH LOVE sometimes will wake them up... and he does want someone to pay attention to him and that is how he is manipulating you to do it...

 

[SteepedInSheep]

Oh, ew. You have my sympathy.

 

[SageHill]

You've come a long way through all this and you're at the it's a huge mountain of his oh woah is me, etc. You're almost through it. Just think it's APRIL and not January.
You are a special person to go through all of this. Almost done!

 

[murphysranch]

You are not alone, Sisters.
My Mother. She's in assisted living and won't:

1. Take a shower. She's not dirty.
2. Wash her hair - its not dirty (stinks to high heaven).
3. Won't let people do her laundry. Its not dirty. She hand washes her underwear once in a while.
4. Won't take meds regularily, even tho they are delivered to her daily. Doctor was wrong.
5. Carries around $400 cash in her walker, cus she might need it.
6. Upset cus I don't call her twice a week like I did for 9.5 years, until she moved into independent living in 2019.

I so understand, and I want to give you a long soft hug for what you are bearing.

 

[Mini Horses]

My mom was great for showering, etc. I kept laundry up. She was here almost 5 yrs...last 2 felt like 10. But in the home she was at for last yr of life, there was a beauty shop. I had to have a real talk with beautician -- only once a wk shampoo & set, not 2x wk, NO color or perms, etc....yeah, mom loved the beauty shop! and with Alzheimer's couldn't remember when it had been done! Always loved perms & beautician could say another time, etc, mom couldn't remember either way. Sad but true.

 

[farmerjan]

Agree with the senior center thing... he needs something to occupy his time and is alone all day when you work or are sleeping...and then at his house... But you can"t make him go do things either... stop trying. Mayb e this friend can get through to him... people are funny about family sometimes...