Bruce's Journal

[greybeard]

The 'right spot' & at the right range. The downrange ballistics degradation in air weapons is significant, especially in the springers. No quite as bad in the pressurized rifles, but still very noticeable in velocity and energy loss.

 

[Southern by choice]

Ok- let me get this straight ... you can't shoot a predator because you daughter doesn't like it?

No she doesn't need to move out but she can get over it. This is your life too. You know she can make those personal choices but she can't make them for you.
LOL I am just shocked. I guess everyone parents differently. I can't imagine any of my kids telling me their parent what I can and cannot do.

 

[Latestarter]

Not only can we not raise any animals for us or anyone else to eat, she has a problem with lethal removal of predators and pests even if they have killed one or more of our chickens.

Given her 24x7x365 migraine and resulting inability to have gainful employment, we can't say "if you don't like it, move".

What about "get over it?"
Not the migraine, the thought of shooting a predator? Not saying that to be snarky- but can that really manipulate your life?

LOL I am just shocked. I guess everyone parents differently. I can't imagine any of my kids telling me their parent what I can and cannot do.

I've kinda "pussy footed" around this in several previous posts. And I really don't mean to sound snarky either. And I've dealt with a similar/significant medical problem with my oldest daughter for a much longer period as she's 36 and epileptic, with uncontrolled, general/non specific seizures, that started when she was 4 years old. These have caused her to total a car (Thankfully she survived and didn't kill anyone), and be rushed to hospitals by ambulance on numerous occasions (some completely unnecessary when I wasn't there to prevail, with the associated costs that then had to be paid), & has caused her multiple dislocations with associated surgeries to repair damage. She can not drive, legally or morally. She lives alone with her small dog in a 1 BR apartment within walking distance of her job and shopping. She walks to/from her job or takes (pays for) a bus or Lyft/Uber if the weather is very bad. Sometimes co-workers have driven her home or shopping when weather was bad, but she hates to impose on anyone else for any reason (except me of course & I don't see that as an imposition). She has been hit in a cross walk by a "monster truck" while walking and had several other near misses. She's had seizures while walking and suffered the associated physical damage from concrete impact as well as the costs of ambulance rides and medical treatment for said injuries. But she's making it... and it's not easy. I know...

I dealt with a lot of guilt when I left Colorado, where she presently lives and works, for leaving her to herself and her own devices. I lived within an hour drive of her and was her support lifeline when she needed anything. I've supported her and protected her for 36 years. However, knowing that I will not always be here to protect and shelter her, she HAS to learn to deal with her condition and find a way to survive and make it on her own for when I'm gone. As far as support, I'm all she had/has, aside from her younger brother and he has his own family to deal with. I STILL provide her emotional support, but aside from that I'm no longer within reach when she has some difficulty to deal with.

Your daughter is now at a legal age where she can be diagnosed as 100% disabled and should be eligible for social security disability as well as 100% medical support through medicare/medicaid. So really, if it came right down to it, she being an adult, you absolutely could tell her "if you don't like it, move". As an adult, she has no right; legal, moral or otherwise, to rule your life or to impose her rules on you (or manipulate/guilt trip you!). As an adult, you have the right, legal, moral, and otherwise, to live your life in a manner that provides you happiness and freedom. You "allow" her to rule your existence, it is not helping her medically in any way. And really, she should be thankful that you ARE a caring/supportive parent (who is going above and beyond to live by/for her and her desires/wishes/demands). She's most welcome to make her own lifestyle decisions, but she has no right to make yours. By living the life she wants you to live, are you really helping her? Are you helping her prepare for a future without you there? This one issue (I now know/see) was a contributor to several failed relationships for me (ones after her mother).

I'm sorry and in no way condemn you for doing what you're doing as life is all about choices. You choose to do what you do and choose to accept your daughter's demands on you. I've never been "tactful" and have been told that I don't know tact, only a-tack... I'm also not politically correct. I also often say things as I see them and have to accept consequences because of it. Again I apologize and will no longer post on this subject (publicly or privately) unless specifically called upon to do so. In the end it's none of my business anyway, but it (your situation) has been brought up publicly by you on numerous occasions and so my above post. I mean you no hurt/harm. I'm really sorry that you have to deal with that life situation... a sick/dependent "child" (adult!)... It's not easy or simple... I know/understand.

 

[Bruce]

1: SSDI doesn't recognize migraine as a disability. They probably figure if you can't see it, can't test for it, too easy to fake and get benefits you don't deserve or something.
2: There are others who also hold sway

 

[NH homesteader]

My aunt is on disability for chronic migraines. Has been for 10+ years. Maybe her doc is fudging paperwork... Don't know.

I'm not going to pile on the comments here other than to say I've been biting my tongue for a while and I also wouldn't change how I live my life because of my child not liking my choices. But to each his/her own.

 

[Bruce]

My aunt is on disability for chronic migraines. Has been for 10+ years. Maybe her doc is fudging paperwork... Don't know.

I'm not going to pile on the comments here other than to say I've been biting my tongue for a while and I also wouldn't change how I live my life because of my child not liking my choices. But to each his/her own.

Certainly possible. It was the leading headache doctor in Vermont who told us SSDI didn't recognize migraines and I have to believe he would know. Given her history (she's been seeing him for 5 years) I ASSUME he would provide the necessary 'proof' if it were legitimately possible to get her enrolled.

 

[NH homesteader]

That's interesting. I'll have to see how she managed it. I doubt it's a VT or NH specific thing.

 

[Bruce]

You might not want to ask and no it isn't a state thing, it is a federal government thing.

It is possible I guess:
http://www.disability-benefits-help.org/disabling-conditions/chronic-migraines

Not sure how someone who can no longer do the work they did (or other "substantial Gainful Activity) subsequent to the disabling migraines compares to someone who has never worked.

 

[NH homesteader]

True, she did work most of her life. But people are on disability all the time who have never worked. I don't know it would be nice if she could get some help. How common are migraines like hers?

 

[Southern by choice]

I know when our daughter was born and long term NICU hospiralized we were told we should get SSI because in her condition she could not work. After taking her home the following years same thing. We chose not to receive these "benefits" as we thought it ridiculous. A) Babies can't work anyway nor toddlers B) There are many who NEED SSI - in good conscience we felt it would be like stealing from the taxpayers. We are responsible for our child no one else.
So our daughter was eligible although she had never worked. Not sure how this is now but my goodness the system is so messed up. People that need the help don't get it and there are so many working (under the table) and getting it.

Your daughter's situation is far different from ours as she is lifelong disabled. Have you considered a lawyer?