Farmerjan's journal - Weather

[B&B Happy goats]

I am really sorry you father is so stubborn, mine was too. They sure can be a PITA and create problems at the time that they need us the most.....
Sending you many and wishing you the best, .......your venting is healthy ...for you, and some of us who have dealt with "difficult " parents, thank you for sharing

 

[Mini Horses]

FarmerJan, I believe the brother knew the limitations to staying in the house, just didn't think it would bite him like it is -- others can't help if expense to do so is tough -- and shouldn't have to.

This is a TOUGH situation. Glad the "menfolk" have to make the decisions, not you & sister. Most often men will not use AS MUCH emotion in the decisions...and it sure pulls some pressure from the aftermath of dissent that will come. Always does. Not everyone will be happy. What will be, will be. And I realize -- they are your parents, you love them, it hurts. But your dad made the rules & now, when he needs a different situation, he can't change it. Gottcha!

Truly, after the stroke, I don't think he will be deemed legally "able" to change much for quite a while.

You have done all you can or, will be allowed to do. Now, it is sit and wait time. Breath deep and stay busy.

You should have had some rain out there yesterday per weather report maps. We got fast and furious outskirt rings here. Supposed to have main part later today. We need the rain here after all the extreme heat, just not the heavy winds!

 

[CntryBoy777]

Oh Jan!!..........I sure do understand your position and certainly support ya with everything ya have stated....the one advantage....if it really is one....is that ya have found these things out before they can be sunk in your back.....it is hard and frustrating, but since ya know how things are "set-up", then your "hands are tied" and there wouldn't be a reason for ya to pursue being "involved" with their care....I know it is very difficult to swallow, but sometimes ya just have to allow others to have their way.....concentrate on yourself, because it is a fact that those that "alienate" you, don't give 1 iota about your situation or sacrifice.....my dad was just as controlling and clueless....it is a hard thing to accept, but "embrace" the position that ya have been put in and deal with your emotions now....you'll be over it by the time ya need a clear head for clear thinking....and won't get blindsided when all the cards are on the table.....

 

[Senile_Texas_Aggie]

My dear Miss @farmerjan,

Thank you SO MUCH with your sharing your troubles with us! I feel privileged that you are willing to do so. As others have said, you have done your best, and now you can only stand aside and help when you can. I wish so many of us guys weren't as stubborn as we are at times. Maybe there is a stubbornness gene attached to the Y chromosome. That would explain a lot. But know that we know you love your parents and will do what you can to help them. Know, too, that we all love you, too.

Senile Texas Aggie

 

[Baymule]

You darn bet'cha you can rant here! You are among friends. We want nothing from you except the pleasure of your company. I enjoy your postings and your unselfish ways of sharing the knowledge you have gathered over your lifetime. You are always quick to help others, I can't imagine a family that would turn away so much love and willingness to help. So be it. You are born to your family, you choose your friends. You are loved and cherished here.

 

[Hens and Roos]

 

[farmerjan]

Just a little update to the update. Seems there is a fly in this ointment that none of the 4 of us kids knew. When my brother signed the medical poa, he was not made aware of the living wills restrictions. He had not been made aware of the neighbor that was also named....AS THE PRIMARY decision maker for all other things. I had never met her but my mom had always liked her.... but didn't know she was still so involved in their life. In fact even my poa brother said she hadn't been around near as much and he was there weekly. So it seems this came about because when my sister and her daughter were up, they were looking at the p.u. and big travel trailer. My niece has this hairbrained idea she wants to be a traveling nurse. She graduated nursing school, was employed in Colorado and was doing good but came home for a visit, broke her arm in multiple places in a freak friendly tussle with her brother, and had to have a couple of surgeries. Long story short, she never went back. So instead of trying to find a position in CT, decided she wanted to go back to waitressing.... now says she might want to be a travelling nurse. There is no way she could ever drive that truck and trailer, I think it would intimidate me and I drive 3/4 and 1 ton p.ups with 20 ft and longer cattle trailers. She can barely maneuver her small car around. But they were looking at the trailer, and discussing possibilities. In the meantime, my son had talked to "gramps" when he had mentioned selling the trailer and truck since they no longer traveled; several months ago; and said that if gramps ever did decide to sell it he would like first choice. This other poa listed in the living will heard somehow about my sister and her daughter looking at the trailer, and informed the lawyer that the "vultures were circling". So the lawyer called my poa brother in and informed him of the living will restrictions. My other brother, said he called him, all upset about what was going on, and didn't know how or what to tell my sister or me or my son. Ralph, said Richard (poa brother) was pretty shook up and said this was ridiculous. My father had mentioned to Richard back awhile ago, that my son was interested in the truck if he sold it.
Richard asked Ralph to call my sister, and to contact me and my son, because he knew we were fairly connected, and try to explain that he was pretty upset about it. He offered to pay for rooms for us if we came up - and he cannot afford it - because he couldn't believe what she had done by getting the lawyer involved over a fairly innocent "looking over" of the truck/trailer by my sister and niece. So it seems except for the medical, he is somewhat hamstrung too. Ralph said that is typical of my father and his insane controlling ways. History repeating its self; his mother did the same. So, I told Richard in a text that I was not upset about the restrictions per se, just that it seems pretty selfish that father would rather trust a stranger so to speak, over his kids trying to have a decent fair, coming to meeting of the minds, about things. Ralph has some time off, is headed up to help Richard with whatever he can and give him some time to go home and get away from this all. For all our problems, I really think, as does my brother and sister, that Richard is trying so hard to do this right. This may be what brings us back together; the fractured family. The text from Richard sounded pretty discouraged with my father's condition, and he sounds "beat down" by the stress. I told Ralph this today when he called to fill me in on all the details that Richard had talked to him about. He agrees because it seems like he is "richard's new best friend" all of a sudden.
You have to understand that Ralph and Richard haven't spoken to each other a civil word in 10-15 years. When my father had the stroke, Ralph was the closest, and he got there before Richard, and he says that Richard talks and texts him 2-3 times a day at least. My brother Ralph is an emt and knowledgeable about things like stroke victims etc and has tried to help Richard make decisions. Also, Ralph's late wife, died of cancer, he got guardianship of her 3 girls since their natural father had died of cancer a couple years prior to that, and has experience dealing with all this legal stuff.
All I can say is what a mess. But like Ralph said, this is typical of father's control freak nature, and we will all just do what we have to at this time.
It is unlikely my father will ever regain enough use to do more than get around in a motorized wheelchair. Rule of thumb is 48-72 hours regaining what use they will have and it has been 8 days. Of course the surgery has slowed it down.... but the damage is excessive. I know Ralph will call me this week after he sees what things look like but he said from what Richard says, it is bleak.

Nursing care will take all they have, and in the end, instead of putting things into trusts etc., all his years of work will be thrown away and used up for his care, and then medicare will kick in. He swore he would never do stupid stuff like that when he saw how much grief his mother went through after her mother died and they had to sell off so much to pay inheritance taxes and all years ago. Then she went and did the same exact thing, and he and my uncle lost so much more of the family legacy, and now it looks like everything he worked so hard to acquire will be sold off like nothing matters about properties being in the family for near 100 years. All because he has to have total control, do it his way, he is the only one who knows what he is doing..... when trusts and different things would preserve it and give them income without the principal/properties being sold off.

You know what, let it all go. I will not do that to my son. What I have is slowly being put into joint type accounts, and I do not have much. But he will not have to "sell everything off" to pay lawyers and such.

God bless family. Thank God I can pick my friends.

 

[Mini Horses]

named....AS THE PRIMARY decision maker for all other things

Not an attorney? Not a family member? GEEESH.

This really is a big mess...in those respects. So sorry.


Heck, I could rant about all that and I'm not even family!

 

[farmerjan]

Yeah, this is my father being the know all.... as my brother Ralph said, like moses up on the top of the mountain, having all the answers and everyone should crawl to him. Thing is, he has really done little except destroy what little we all had of respect for him. The problem is I am thinking that she is also now POA for my mom? Ralph is going to have a long talk with Richard and I think they are going to go to the lawyer. But if Ralph isn't named in the living will, he has no right to see it according to what he has been told.

Think I will sell my son everything for 1.00 put his name on everything, and things like the cows that aren't registered, have no "bill of sale" are just his by default. Who can say which cows are his and which are mine "legally".... just because he isn't a big fan of dairy cows, doesn't mean he can't own some.....

Even my ex, has put Michael on his checking accounts, his car titles, the house ( I guess the deed?).... so that there won't be alot of stuff for lawyers to get their hands on or probate crap. And Michael told me recently that his friend is his executor and the "backup" person. Figuring that if something did happen to him I might be already gone or very old. I have no problem with what he has done. Stipulations in there for my care if I survive him.

Not an attorney? Not a family member? GEEESH.

This really is a big mess...in those respects. So sorry.


Heck, I could rant about all that and I'm not even family!

Yeah @Mini Horses , really a control freak asshole move. An attorney would have been my choice if not wanting any of us to be able to make decisions. So now if he is deemed incapable due to the extent of the stroke effects, he will have to live with these decisions and probably not be able to even speak up and make a change if he wanted to. My sympathies are just not there for his stupidness.

 

[farmerjan]

OKAY done with that. Yes @Mini Horses we got some rain and weather. Nothing like the winds this time, but they hit just south of here last week in Lexington at Washington and Lee university and VMI school with down trees and all. We got .5 inch rain Sunday aft/eve. Sunny and warm Monday then rain again Mon eve into today. Got .7 of nice slow steady soaking rain from that. Today it rained a bit in the morning, I measured the .7 at about 3 p.m.. It was cloudy and MUCH cooler, up to only 74 and clouds clearing off this eve and a peek of sun about 6-7 before it was going down. SUPPOSED to have sun for the next 5-7 days. Will be making hay for a friend who has found he has a cyst along his spine, pinching the nerve & whatever....cannot barely sit in a car, nevermind a tractor. He has an appt with the surgeon next week and will have this done ASAP. Laid up for 6-8 weeks at least as far as farming work goes. We needed some more work to do for someone else......

Oh well, you do what you have to.

On another note...... We had the board of Supervisors meeting last night. Monday. For the cell tower. It got approved 3 to 1 but the one b%#@ch that took us to court has vowed to fight this "all the way to the Supreme Court" as she told them.... BUT the good thing, she will have to include Verizon so it will be on their dime as far as lawyers go. And she will be going back into the same court with the same judge that practically threw her out the last time. They will be ready and able to start it after Oct 1st and it will hopefully be done by April 1st. The sooner it gets underway, the better as it will be harder to stop it once it is in the works. WE ( as in Verizon) also made a few more concessions as to the color of the tower being a "matte" grey as opposed to the shinier silver, and it has to have an 8 ft tall board fence around the base as opposed to just trees and bushes for screening. Which will make it stand out more in the long run, but who cares. It will be a "stockade" type fence that must be "maintained" in good repair. Whoop dee do.....All those opposed to it said that the wifi and broadband recently provided by BARC power company was more than sufficient for the cell phone/data use.....except what do you do once you are outside the house where it is available..... and that it would spoil their PRISTINE VIEW of the Blue Ridge Mountains and decrease their property values......Luckily one of the board members is in the area that they hope it will improve the service even with the ridges and valleys in this area..... and he said he really hoped that they could get better service out there with it.
It's a done deal, until we wind up in court again..... and I don't think the judge will allow a cease and desist order..... The big thing that helped is all the ways we (and Verizon) have bent over backwards to accommodate the neighbors concerns about proximity to their property line by moving it, putting the access road along the opposite property line that b%#@ch complained about it being along hers, and allowing them to ask for the changes in the color and the fence right that day just before the meeting.
My son and I are Yankees, but we wish this b%#@ch would just go and pack her bags and go the he// back to Mass where they go back and forth to. Noticed her husband did not come this time. I feel sorry for him and I sincerely hope this doesn't impact his health after his recent heart attack.
Maybe we will get lucky and she would move. Sure would like to just buy it and get them gone. Now if I won the lottery, a real estate agent could go and inquire that someone was interested in the log house.... and get them gone.... Have to win the lottery first though.

Just heard some sprinkles on the roof, guess all the clouds haven't gone through yet.