Luvmypets Journal: A New Season

luvmypets

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Visited the old farm today for the first time since I left. The property has a new owner no more animals but lots of plans for the future.

A lot of my trauma around the farm revolved around the hoarding and neglect of the previous owners animals. It was a relief to see with my own eyes that no more animals were suffering. And I know the new owner will be breathing some much needed life back into the land.

Also got an update on the pigs, they are doing well, Lucy is still as lazy as ever. Prissy still remains the queen. I will probably go see them again soon.

Also after months of not driving myself anywhere, I have finally started again. For those wondering i had very bad dissociative episodes and i didnt want to be behind the wheel of a car.

Also off topic but I got a gym membership so that’s fun!
 

Baymule

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It makes me smile to hear you putting it all back together and sounding happy. Going by the old farm has helped clear all that away. Going to see the pigs is good for your soul. You are driving again, that is good. Joining a gym will keep you motivated, in a good way. Im so glad that you are healing and finding your way again.
 

Bruce

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Likewise for me! I'm glad to see you coming out of your low. You had very good reasons to be there and that sort of trauma doesn't leave a person unaffected. You've shown us drive and enthusiasm in the past, I hope to read that from you again as you return to your "old self" but new and improved.

We are here any time you want to talk, tell us about new adventures you start or just hang out :hugs
 

luvmypets

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Hi friends I just wanted to pop in and give a small update

I feel like I am starting to have more good days even tho this whole healing thing is full of ups and downs. I’ll be ok for a few days and then fall back into disassociating for a few days then have some days when its half and half. I try to take each day as it comes even though even that can be hard sometimes. I just remind myself that healing isnt linear and im a lot better than I was in the past yada yada.

The gym has been wonderful for me and I’m turning into somewhat of a gymrat. Now most of my meals are packed with protein so I can get ripped af lol. Also being super conscious about what I’m eating. Ive gotten this weird like food intuition, foodtuition if you will, where I can just look at food and be like nope thats not gonna make me feel good/i dont wanna put that into my body. Also Ive gained a new aversion to beef which I find weird but foodtuition says no 90% of the time. I will say I quite enjoy that I have little to no interest in those highly processed foods. So much less junk food in the house and lot more whole food. I will say my one weakness is sweets because I have a major sweet tooth.

Also my overall tastes have changed and I love broccoli now. I ate a whole head the other day and my mom got mad at me cause I didnt share. I dont think ive ever mentioned it but I have always had issues with vegetables especially anything green. It wasnt that I wanted to be unhealthy I just hated veggies. I always thought they tasted like grass lol. Its funny my dad used to joke about me becoming a vegetarian when I got older and while I doubt Ill ever cut out meat completely I still think a bit of his prophecy is coming true. I’m even starting to kind of get turned off from chicken which is so weird. Ive been really into fish lately especially salmon and cod. Ive been doing this really simple baked cod with rice and its so lean and yummy. Ive also actually been cooking a lot more trying new recipes because I was sick of having chicken and rice for the nth week in a row.

Ive been really consistent about being active and while I love moving, my body forced me to slow down for half this past week. The reason Ive stayed active is because my fitness journey has helped me so much mentally to the point I no longer had to take psych meds. However whenever I skipped a day my mind would get restless and be not so nice. I had found a balance of, do weight training at gym - come home and go walk doggy outside(1-2mi) then i can rest. On days when I was resting from weight training I still did cardio by walking the doggy, because he needs it just as much as I do(otherwise he gets petty). So for the past few months Ive been doing weight training four days a week plus cardio almost daily. I think I got a tad hooked on the endorphins that Id get after a good workout and was afraid if I slowed down at all bad things would happen mentally. Always this past week I had a minor injury that made me take two days off from the gym, 4-5 days total. And it was strange because I actually was decent with just chilling for a bit. Then when I got to the gym this monday I felt crazy strong and hit some new records.

I honestly love weightlifting and its so fun to challenge myself and push myself and be surprised by oh wow I can actually lift that. Im not by any means trying to be a body builder or do competitions or anything tho. That mind of stuff is too strict for my liking. Im also loving how my physique has changed and Ive gotten a lot of compliments from people. It feels really good when others can see the hard work you put in.

I havent visited the piggies in a few months but I do plan on going once the gray/overcast blah weather is over.

Also I am signing up to volunteer at a local wildlife rescue/rehabilitation center. Im not quite ready to have a job again but I also need some sort of commitment to something. Im very excited to be around animals again because im really trying to heal my relationship to working with them. Sadly my experience is still tainted and I had a few month period where I was like “i never want to raise a single animal again”. But yall know me and I know me and we all know that being around animals is a core part of who I am. This place has really good reviews and stuff so Im looking forward to learning.

Finally here are some pictures from the past few months

This was from this weekend I went to a plant show in PA and they had a baby goat snuggling section. Had my favorite cardigan smelling like goat but hey thats why we have washers.
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Here is my dog Shadow, he is 13 now yet he still readily joins me to walks 1-2 miles almost everyday.
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And yes I bought him a bowtie, I need to make sure he stays stylish

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Bruce

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ALWAYS glad to hear from you Luv :love

I'm very glad you are on the upswing and can recognize the long journey versus the shorter term lows. You are learning a lot about what your body wants and needs which seems to be serving you well. You know we are always here if you need to chat :D

And just what is wrong with having a sweater smell like baby goat?
 

luvmypets

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You might start growing a garden!
My mom actually got super into gardening last summer however I was not in the right place during that time. I find working in nature very grounding(shocking) so I’m thinking of helping her tend to everything this year. Or at least trying. Last summer she grew a lot of flowers as well. We had a stunning line of dahlias and I made arrangements all summer using them.

I’ll be honest I don’t have the best track record with raising plants. I tend to forget they exist shortly after getting them and then…yeah. Animals were a lot easier in that sense lol.

And just what is wrong with having a sweater smell like baby goat?
My past self wouldn’t have had a care in the world but truth be told after I stopped this whole farming thing Ive rather enjoyed being clean. Not having everything smell like animals is something i never thought id like as much as I do. I have become very girly because I never gave myself the space to do that in the past. I even get fake nails now o_O. I always said appearance doesn't matter cause im a farmer. Now I take pride in how I look, what I wear etc. Its an interesting change of pace but one I have come to enjoy!
 
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