Ragdollcatlady's Just a Little Patch of Weeds Farm journal

[ragdollcatlady]

I don't know....

We had a bit of a falling out over a couple of issues. Yes they are big enough to call it quits, but I don't believe they have to be. As I am looking ahead and deciding (within what is under my control vs. what is not) what and how I want to go about living my life, I would be very sad to not have the opportunity to try to repair and continue with the mostly good thing that we had going on. If he is up to trying and if we can really resolve the issues. I listened to a wonderful speaker at my recent CE that also happens to be a licensed and practicing therapist, with one of her specialties being in marriage counseling, and it got me to thinking. I suggested to Alaska that perhaps, we could find someone to help us work through or really get to the bottom of the issues and see if there is a resolution we can agree on. I am usually pretty good at communicating... and I realized, looking back, that while what I said was not wrong, had I approached the issues in a different manner, I may have kept some of the tension from being so high in the first place. Raising 4 kids, you really learn about different communication styles and how to consider what each person needs to have considered to communicate effectively. I am still kind of learning this about Alaska.

So as of now, things are still over, but feelings are still there. I told him where I am at, what I am thinking and what I want, and that if he is interested, I would like to try relationship counseling. I am waiting for his answers.

I'll be back in a bit with some more stuff about my farm life but I gotta go feed babies right now.....

 

[ragdollcatlady]

OK farm stuff:

I maybe, mighta, kinda sorta scrunched my truck!!!!!

soooo, you see, what happened was...… um, I was coming back with a small load of hay, pulled up past the driveway and stopped, checked that I was clear and started to back up…. but I was kind of concentrating on something else, and I forgot that, with the trailer, you have to turn the steering wheel the OTHER way!!!! I scrunched the trailer and truck, jackknife style! This is the same truck and trailer I have been using every 2 weeks to haul hay since FOREVER!!!! and I am actually pretty good at this whole backing up thing, as I started getting some mad skills as a kid with my little red wagon. The same wagon that I used to haul the chicken feed (may have actually been sand) to toss all over the grass to my imaginary chickens. Of course if my mom had figured out it was me throwing the "sand " out of the sand box, I am quite sure I would have been in trouble..... but it was imaginary grain for my imaginary chickens!!!! Dusty (my truck) just has a little ding and a couple scratches, she is going to live and be just fine. The trailer looks like it is going to live tooo...… but um, I kinda twisted the tongue a little and might have scrunched up the side panel a little tiny bit! whoops! (Hey Joe... you probably would have rolled your eyes and groaned a little bit about that story! )

Ok another farm update, We had 2 sets of Nubian twins born in the last week. Good for healthy kids, buuuuuttttt…..they are all boys! and.... it is about a hundred thousand degrees here!!! (someone was a dum dum and bred her Nubians for mid summer kiddings even though she totally knows better!!!!) so I have afternoon babysitting duty with kids in the living room under the air conditioner and fans to keep them alive.

Ok, so that is the first half. Now for the hard part. Fancy Filly, my favorite Nubian, (and this girl is just about my favorite goat of all time) was down the other day. By down, I mean down. For 24 hours. Devastated would not cover the enormity of the emotional fallout I was preparing for, if she didn't make it. This goat might very well be a little piece of my heart, walking around on 4 legs, outside my body. I love her so much! I had put her in the shelter with her kids for the night, and when I checked on them in the morning, she couldn't get up, mentation was depressed, she had mucous oozing from her nostrils and mouth. I hadn't heard her cough, but figured it might just be pneumonia or something along those lines, combined with the stress of kidding and the heat. I had heard Brie, the other Nubian cough a couple times over the previous few days, but never Fancy. It has been in the triple digits here, but it has also been humid. At night, we are getting comfortably cool, but the moisture makes it feel downright cold. I have never had issues with this before, but I jumped in with both feet as that is all I could do. Bottle fed the babies, gave Fancy all the supportive care I could including antibiotics, pain control, and a couple nutritional supplements. I put the babies in the house so they would be safe and she would have peace. I took my new house fan out to her and put Neosporin in her eyes, directed the fan at her face, sprayed her with a bug repellent to try to keep the flys off her. Then I had to leave for work. Fed her babies at noon again, checked on her, she was just about the same condition wise, but had inched around to a slightly different position, so I sprayed her again, adjusted the fan, made sure she knew I loved her and went back to work. I still was expecting the worst. Evening was the same, but her mentation was better and she was still sternal, so I got a small bucket and offered her water. she sucked it down. I ran to town, did a half hour at the gym and grabbed a huge bottle of Gatorade for her. She almost drank the whole thing! I put some food within reach, a small container of baking soda and I left her to rest alone in the shelter, kept the kids in the house for the night for everyones safety and comfort. In the morning, she was standing! weak and shaky, but standing. She hasn't been feeling up to feeding her kids, but I don't care! I will do that, she just has to get better. Did I mention that I love her kids? Both are covered in spots I want the little one.... he has flash galore!!!! and the bigger kid has the cutest tongue thing going on. I don't know why, but it sticks out to the side when he drinks. Super stinking cute!

 

[ragdollcatlady]

Just one more pic! Sitting like a dog!

 

[ragdollcatlady]

Fancy and the kids.... please ignore the mess in the background!

And this is just my new favorite junky-junkfood!!!! Mini taco/nachos from Jack in the Box!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

What a scare! Really hope Fancy continues to improve.

 

[Mini Horses]

2X FEM. It's hard to watch our animals feel poorly, especially our favs. Goats are very problematic with their system balances and it would so help if we could check blood, urine, saliva or such -- and dab on a blotter like a mastitis! Many symptoms are indicative of several things -- that's why we "treat it all" We're waiting for updates. Hopefully good ones.

 

[babsbag]

You are braver than I am. I don't think I would even consider a relationship with someone that I had to go counseling with before marriage. (or living together). Love is supposed to be blind for a long long time. But that is just me. I have also been to marriage counseling with a few different counselors and I don't think that it did one bit of good. It definitely has to be entered into with an open mind and a willingness to change and accept some faults.

 

[babsbag]

So glad that Fancy came around for you. Sometimes when they are down they just stay there. Good job.

 

[ragdollcatlady]

Love is supposed to be blind for a long long time.

I agree, and I would love to live in that "ignorance is bliss" stage, but in the end that will not serve me or my partner well.

Just one example:
I am free to choose "ignorance is bliss " with my animals if I so desire.
If I choose to have a pet, I have no obligation to anyone, not the animal, not a single other being on the planet, to even bother to identify or acknowledge any faults or to define her quality. Her physical proportions, temperament, or any other descriptor, doesn't matter to anyone but me, so I need not find any reason to justify why I want to keep her, so long as I provide for her needs adequately. Ignorance is bliss right? Would I be a fool to not at least keep my eyes open and consider that this information might be useful, even if my only obligation is to keep her safe and healthy? Of course. If she has the ability to step over my fence or shove open my gate because she is a 150 lb goat, I would be a fool to not consider how to contain her, based on her body structure (and possibly) temperament. If she has any issues that affect her ability to eat or process the food I want to give her, I need to consider that and adapt the diet that I give her. If her temperament and psyche needs companionship, it would be in my best interest to pay attention and provide those things for her, so she doesn't cause me more headaches or heart aches in the end. Regardless of the "quality" of my animal I can be a better provider by paying attention to even potentially negative things about my pet. When I brought her home, I was told almost just as an aside, that Fancy had a tendency to be a bit mouthy. I would have considered that information pretty seriously if I had any small children that would be in close proximity to her, even possibly to the point of reconsidering her.... but I had no such need, so I just watched and tried to discourage the behavior when it came up (rarely) and now she only really nibbles (though kinda hard) on my elbow or arm when I am filling water troughs and I haven't realized she is standing behind me, waiting for her "lovins".

We (humans) are all far from perfect. When I consider adding a companion to my life, I would prefer to know it all....If I know the potentially (or definite) negative inclinations of my human companion, I can prepare or adapt/adjust, or walk away if that is what is best for myself. And I absolutely feel that the best time to open my eyes is now, before feelings and commitments get any deeper. I think a lot of relationship problems stem from either an inability (or unwillingness) to communicate, or from selfishness, not being willing to consider or change a behavior (or attitude) to provide for or benefit the other party. If a therapist were to point out something that I am doing, that isn't productive to a current relationship, or to my own health and well being, I hope I would be open to hearing that. I can't change and make myself better if I don't see the problem. Perhaps a therapist could suggest workable compromises or point out when one party might be choosing to ignore the others needs (or maybe is just not understanding an opposing point of view). Preventing defensive walls from being thrown up while we are feeling vulnerable within the relationship is the ultimate communication goal for me. In order to feel safe enough to really be honest about our own needs, we have to feel safe with showing and sharing our vulnerabilities. That can be incredibly hard. Usually it takes years to reach that level of trust organically, but because of our long distance situation, it would be far preferable to build this bridge now. I am not an engineer, so I might need a little help with my bridge building project.

I have also attempted marriage counseling type stuff with the ex, and they were a serious waste of money and time, but both partners were not "all in" either. If Alaska is interested in trying, then I am game. A few hundred dollar investment (or more) in him/me/us will be worth it if we come away with communication skills, more compassion, a better understanding of ourselves or each other. If we come away thinking we can go forward, great. If we try and still come away knowing that we are not a good match, then we will still be better off than if we didn't try. Just my humble opinion of course.

I heard this saying once and think there is definitely some wisdom here
'Before marriage keep your eyes wide open, after marriage, keep them half shut'....
just a little something to think about

 

[babsbag]

Before marriage keep your eyes wide open, after marriage, keep them half shut

TRUTH!!! If Alaska is willing then there is certainly no reason not to try. A lot of it really is about mindset going in.