Ridgetop - our place and how we muddle along

[Ridgetop]

UGH! Newsom The Destroyer in action again. Within hours of the the election being called for him, he signed 2 bills that completely destroy single family home zoning. These bills make it legal to build an additional home on your single family lot, or build duplexes/fourplexes in single family zoned neighborhoods.

On the other hand, he has set the directive closing all eating establishments, etc. unless patrons are all vaccinated to begin October 1. Since the wedding is on September 25 we are in under the wire.

HOWEVER! DD2 has a final fitting scheduled for today at 2. Yesterday she called to confirm and they told her that she has no appointment and they can't fit her in. I was standing right next to her when she made the appointment so someone screwed up at the salon. They told her she can go to a different David's and have the work done if she can get in BUT all the work was already PAID FOR IN FULL at this one and the other one will charge her again! While I feel she should have made an appointment and gone in sooner, I am only her mother and will not risk a Bridezilla meltdown. However I foresee having to finish the alterations myself.
I am not sure they have even supplied the off shoulder sleeves that were paid for and not attached yet. I may have to go over myself with DD1 and the receipts. At any rate, I redid the petticoat. It was still a bit large so I took it in another 2" at the waist this morning. Ready to go to the salon with the dress. I'll take the veil too for her to try on with the dress. They made us take the dress home unfinished which is a good thing since they probably would have lost it!

Another nail in my coffin as my grandmother used to say.

One week to go, just one week . . . Please God!

Also have to get out the favor boxes, assemble them and fill with mints. This weekend start calling all the people that have not bothered to respond so I can give a count of food to the venue by Wednesday. Then on Thursday rehearsal and final payment. With so few people coming, it will be much less that we thought it would. Unfortunate that we can't have a nice big turnout, but good for our checkbook. DH and I considered the guest list compared to DD1's wedding and it is depressing how many of our relatives have died! Of course, DD1 and DSIL1 had a huge number of college friends too from both early college years and post grad degree classes. 300 guests! In many ways this will be better since we will be able to visit with everyone and it will be more intimate. Never even got to meet most of DSIL's out of town relatives!

 

[Ridgetop]

OK. Mom to the rescue. No need to kill anyone and spend the wedding in jail.

Called and spoke to the manager. Used my very quiet voice. The voice that DD1 calls Mom's Dangerous Voice. Told her that both the florist and I had heard the conversation setting the appointment, and that before we came down with my daughter's phone and watched her fire the person who was so incompetent I wanted to talk to her. I told her that something was wrong since I could not understand why the salesperson would tell us to go to another store for alterations we had already paid for. The manager checked her book and said that we did have a 2:00 pm appointment. She apologized and said they would never tell us to go elsewhere for alterations that had been started at their store. I agreed that it was very strange and that was why I had called her.

DD2 had bought shoes and new under garments and tried on dress. OOPS! Dress is now too large since DD2 had the baby. Lace up style back so should have been ok BUT still not tight enough to fit properly. Wedding next week. Draping cap sleeves that were to have been added on were also missing. Slight argument about where the sleeves were and had we paid for them. Straightened that out - not paid for. $35.00 plus cost of attaching. Said I would attach them myself. Sales girl attached them with pins and they drooped and looked bad. DD2 told girl to let her mom do it, then before I could she ran into dressing room in tears. Bridezilla moment. After a few minutes I went in to console her. She said the sleeves were ugly, droopy, and didn't even look like the same color as the dress! Sob, Sob! I said we hadn't paid for them yet so don't have them since dress looked beautiful without. Made her come out and try on veil with dress and no sleeves to see how nice it looked. (I did not like the sleeves before but DD2, Maid of honor, DD2, and DDIL2 all liked the sleeves. I think they may have looked better when DD2 was pregnant because they gave her more of an hourglass figure. Now they are unnecessary.) She agreed that the dress looked better with just the veil. Major meltdown averted.

BUT dress still not fitting properly. Gaping around back. Salesgirl said it could just be laced tighter but NO. After I checked it myself I discovered that the back placket under the lacing had been moved over to allow for the pregnancy. The snaps and hooks were 1" too far over and the stiffened and boned placket would not allow the dress to actually pull tighter and lace up. The snaps needed to be moved over at least an inch. The shop wanted $60.00 for "rush" alterations to move three snaps - told them I would do it myself. That way when we pick up the dress and the alterations are not done and I have to move the snaps myself anyway I am not out $!!!

Another problem. Due to Covid no makeup artists available. Catastrophe! DD1 will be reduced to walking down aisle "looking horrible, mom!" Apparently no bride does her own hair or makeup anymore. When I got home and related all this wedding tragedy to DH he reminded me that DDIL2 had a person who did her wedding makeup and for 15 people in wedding party and relatives. Called her and she was free. Sent me the contract. Still reeling in shock at price but am completely fed up with all this drama. Will tell DH it was his idea when he complains about the price. I will remind him that I did my own and that he is lucky to have a low maintenance woman. Will also have wine in the fridge and sandwiches for us to eat during the 4-5 hour ordeal of becoming beautiful. For the price I should be getting liposuction and botox too! I guess I will just drink.

Now on to deal with the next bridal drama - DD2 wants to take DGD1 and DGD2 with her for mani peds. Naturally neither she or DD1 have apologized to each other yet. DD1 said she would take DGD1 with her. DD2 immediately saw this as an "I hate my little sister and will not let my daughter spend any time with her aunt" moment. Called both of them up. They returned my calls at the same time so put them on speaker phone. Told them that I had had enough! Told DD1 that DD2 was apologizing for calling her a liberal - it was a joke. Told DD2 that DD1 was sorry she got so angry but that it was because her feelings were hurt at being called a liberal. Made them both apologize to ME for upsetting ME and then arranged that they would both go on Friday at the same time and to the same place and get mani-pedis together with their daughters!!!

Reminded them that the rehearsal was 4:30 on Thursday and that I had rescheduled the reservation for the rehearsal dinner for 6:30. For some reason DSIL2 had told DH to make it for 4:30. Then wished them fun at their respective restaurants (I could hear them ordering margaritas) and reminded them that I was stuck doing all the wedding stuff while they were out carousing and drinking.

Now going to go resew the snaps on the wedding dress. Tomorrow will continue sorting and disposing of books that I have in my Kindle. 20 large cartons are done now. Hundreds and hundreds of books. Thank God DS1 persuaded DH to get me a Kindle. Now I just have to pay $$$$ to transfer all the rest of my favorites into it! The only thing that comforts me at getting rid of these books is that others will be able to read them, and there are not enough years left in my lifetime to reread them all!

Wondering why I had children.

 

[Baymule]

Hey! What about the wedding? Got pictures?

 

[Ridgetop]

Got the devastating news about Bay's BJ a couple days before the wedding. Since then have been too depressed about it to report on the wedding.

Have pulled myself together now and will make a full report beginning with the books. I sorted all the boxes of books and sent them to Salvation Army. I did keep back several series that I love and don't have in my Kindle. Emptied out some of the bookcases and gave a lot of children's books to daughter for her children. She will pass them on in her turn to nieces and nephews. I was able to double shelve those paper backs - 6 boxes of books. I will eventually buy those titles but not yet. Today I found 2 more boxes of books (in the small PVC shed) that I had been looking for. These are titles that I planned to keep but didn't find. Relieved that I was not going crazy thinking that I had not noticed them in the other 20+ cartons of books I had given away.

Books taken care of, I was able to clean the house, and concentrate in the wedding. Put together the favor boxes. Need the Jordan Almonds since the mints were now a year old. Very cute boxes looked like brides and grooms. Also sorted out the small bottles of bubbles that I had decorated as well. Left 60 of each at home since only needed 40. Packed everything for the wedding ceremony in one box and the rest in another box for the wedding reception. I realized that while I had the Unity candles for the ceremony i needed holders for them. Got out 2 very pretty hand painted short candlesticks and a gold Picard saucer for the large candle. Wrapped them in tissue and bubble wrap and stored in the wedding box. Next up - call everyone that had not responded - most of them. No manners these days. Had DD2 and DSIL2 phone all their friends. Apparently, DD2 had called and told them to notify me of the dinner preference. Naturally they did not. Why not just find out when she talked to them? Told her to call them back and find out IMMEDIATELY!!! Also called venue to see if we could upgrade the menu since we were looking at well under our original 73 people booked for. Was told no problem. Final count 38 adults (anyone over 8) and 2 children. Now ready for the final meeting at the venue. And rehearsal.

Week before the wedding DDIL2's mother and sister left for a trip to Italy to see the pope. We now had to care for 6 month old Robert who detested us, as well as 6 month old Annabel, the puppy, DGD1 and DGD2 after school. See last sentence of previous post. Luckily DD2 took pity on us and stayed at home for 3 days. Her school was still waiting for its approval to bring in children so she did not need to be in class. Also luckily, during this week Robert decided we were not monsters and deigned to allow us to be in his presence without screaming.

Wednesday morning DD2 (aka Bride) showed up to shop for dress for DGD3 and Flower Girl shoes for DGD2. I insisted we go to the shops in San Fernando since they cater to the Hispanic community for white clothing for First Communion, Confirmation as well as Quinceanaras, weddings, etc. 4 stores later we found the perfect dress similar to the Flower Girl dresses but in ivory. "No good" announced the Bride who was slowly turning into Bridezilla. At the 6th store we found the identical dress to the Flower Girl dresses in white. Bought it and returned home. I still had to sew on all the rosebuds to the tulle net skirt, find and buy matching fabric or ribbon for the sash and make it for the wedding on Saturday. Still no Flower Girl shoes. No longer my problem though. DD2 went home and DH and I went to the venue for the final payment and menu details.

At the meeting I gave head count to coordinator and changed menu from beef filet and roasted chicken to Surf & Turf and Chicken Marsala. Still had enough over in minimum for extended bar hours. Should have gotten the shrimp cocktail instead as you will see. The coordinator informed me that the rehearsal would be at 2:00 pm. WHAT?! The original time set by the wedding coordinator was 4:30 pm. I was told that it had to be at 2 since dinner service would be on that patio at 4pm. The flower girls and ring bearer would still be in school, and the Maid of Honor couldn't get off work that early! The Best Man had been fired by the Groom for his super liberal political views but I had 3 sons that could step in at the last moment although the Groom didn't like them because they were "mean to him". I gave that the consideration it deserved - none. If it came down to no Best Man, I would shove one of my sons into the spot. None of them wanted the "honor" but I am not the Alpha Bitch of my family for nothing. A show of teeth and low growl and the pack would fall into line.

Home again? NO! Had DH drive me to the fabric store that was close to the venue. Matched the fabric and bought 1/8 yard for the sash. Next stop Jordan almonds to fill favor boxes. While he drove, I worked on my wedding list. Once again at home, Emailed the wedding coordinator who confirmed the time at 4:30 pm. DH had made the after rehearsal dinner reservations for the rehearsal dinner for 4:00 pm, based on the 2:00 rehearsal time. I changed them to 7:00 based on the 4:30 time. The venue coordinator called and emailed me that it could NOT take place at 4:30. After several brisk 3 way discussions it was changed to 3:00 pm. Gritting my teeth I decided to make the best of it and changed the dinner reservations again. I was then informed by DD2 that the groom was working out of town and probably wouldn't be there either! And the Maid of Honor could not get off work. And we still did not have a Best Man!

However, the flowers and bridal carpet were a go. And the make up artists were booked for Saturday morning for an estimated 4 hours. Realizing I had to be available all Saturday morning to make Mimosas and put out the roll up sandwiches I changed my nail appointment from Saturday to Friday. Then I took 3 aspirins and lay down with an adult beverage to contemplate life. Decided it may have been a mistake to have any children at all. Definitely a mistake to have had daughters.

Thursday dawned. Got out the sewing machine and made the sash. Preparing to stitch the rosebuds to the skirt, I checked the Flower Girl dress against the baby dress for placement of the satin flowers. Flower Girl dresses are ivory - baby dress is snow white!!! AAARGH!!! Gritting my teeth (will probably need some expensive dental work after this wedding) I began to sew on the individual satin rosebuds. The baby dress is a S but probably equates to 12 months. At least Annabel can wear it next spring for Easter when she is walking. Did not finish sewing on the rose buds before the rehearsal. Left to pick up DGD1 at school and head for the venue. Met the minster and wedding coordinator there and proceeded to wait half an hour for the Bride. She showed up with both girls. Maysie was not supposed to be there but had to be picked up from school. Birth mother not answering her phone so called DD2. Maysie sick! Slight temperature and very whiny. Found out from minister (daughter in same class that "a bug" was going around the preschool. Can anything else go wrong? Flower Girl may not be present but the other could carry it off. Baby sleeping in carseat, I bit the bullet and held Maysie on my lap so the rehearsal could go forward. Tried to hold my breath too but unable to keep it up so had to breath in germs. No Groom, no Maid of Honor, no Best Man, no Ringbearer. 1 sick crying child. Just as we finished up the Groom appeared. He took Maysie from me. Minister said she had a special Unity Candle holder and offered to bring it. I gratefully accepted. I told DD2 not come to rehearsal dinner. I told her to go home with DSIL2 and put children to bed, particularly the sick one. She was very upset to miss out on her own rehearsal dinner although without the members of the wedding party why even have a rehearsal dinner anyway? DH and I were going since we needed a Margarita - make mine a double. DD2 called to say she was on her way as was DSIL1. She was upset that DD2 would miss out on her own rehearsal dinner. She decided to drop off her boys at the restaurant and drive to DD2's house to babysit the sick children so DD2 and DSIL2 could come. (Sisters still not speaking to each other, but this is the Ridgetop way!) We ordered her a dinner to go. DGD1 did her homework while waiting for dinner. The boys arrived and ordered. Half an hour later DSIL1 arrived and ordered. DH, DGD1 and I had finished dinner and DGD1 and DH were on desert. I was on my second Margarita. Another half hour later DD2 and DSIL2 arrived and ordered. At 8:30pm (3 hours after arriving at the restaurant) the DH and I with DGD1 left after paying the bill. DSIL1 and the boys left at the same time on their way to our house to pick up their puppy. I told the Bride and Groom to stay and enjoy themselves since this would be their last time without children for a while.

Friday I finished the baby dress with rosebuds and stitched on the sash. DSIL2's family arrived in town -his grandmother was supposed to come as a surprise but at the last minute decided she was not able to face the long flight. Just as well as it turned out. DD2 was supposed to sleep at our house. I made up the sofa bed and sent DH to make up the bed in the trailer for DS3's family. I went to bed.

Next day - THE WEDDING!

More - lots more - later . . . .

 

[Baymule]

I've been missing you on here, but I knew why. You did keep me rolling with laughter on our long extended phone call, giving me the details of the wedding. And believe me, I needed that laugh.
Then we cried together and laughed together over BJ. I'm looking forward to seeing y'all when you come in November or December. Big hugs to you and DH.

 

[Ridgetop]

Ok, back again.

The wedding morning dawned. I sprang from my bed ready for the events of the day.

Sound like a fiction novel? I crawled resentfully from my bed and staggered to the kitchen to make coffee. Luckily I can do that with my eyes shut.

Gulping the life sustaining caffeine I staggered back the the bedroom and threw on some clothes before returning to the kitchen to make the Mimosas for the girls. I cleaned up extra space for the makeup artists to work in - the room is big but full of baby equipment. Set out the roll up sandwiches DH had picked up for us. DH and DS1 moved our cars into the back yard to free up the 5 parking spaces out front. I didn't want the hassle of locking up the dogs. People started to arrive.

It would only be the bride, maid of honor, sister, sister-in-law and me. 2 makeup artists, 1 hair stylist, and 4 hours to do the job. I figured they would need that much time just to make me look good. I meant to apply Preparation H to my face to tighten the wrinkles but couldn't find any in the house. My grandmother told me in her mother's time women used to apply whisked egg whites to their faces to tighten the skin and minimize wrinkles. I had the eggs but according to Gammy you didn't dare smile or the egg mask would crack! I decided to skip the egg mask.

About an hour into the session DS3 and DDIL1 arrived. Pushing DDIL1 into a chair I handed her a Mimosa. The men gathered around laughing at us getting beautified and stealing our roll up sandwiches. Now it was my turn. My sons asked if the makeup people had brought enough supplies for my face. Jokes were made about my advance age. Spackle and a putty knife were mentioned. DS3 said he had his truck and they offered to do a supply run. Wisely they all stood well out of reach. The girls and I had a wonderful time laughing and joking. The bride looked radiant. As a final treat we all decided to get false eyelashes! I worried that DH would wake in the night and smack me thinking a spider had crawled across my face, but the makeup artist reassured me that she would attach them securely Super Glue I suppose. We all looked very glamorous when finished.

DD1 and DGD1 left for home to dress and pick up family members. DGD2 had already been picked up. The maid of honor was dressing before driving the bride to the church. I had to iron DS1's and DS2's dress shirts. Somehow DS3 snuck his and his boys' shirts into the pile. Then he borrowed a tie from DS1 for DGS3. Apparently the Tasmanian Devil tie he brought to wear had been vetoed by his mother.

Everyone was almost dressed when an emergency occurred. I got a hysterical call from DS3. The new dress pants bought for DGS3 were 3 sized too small. DDIL1 had accidentally bought the wrong pair instead of the pair he had tried on! DS3 was saying he had to find a Target right now when I broke in and told him to call his sister. DGS1 or 2 would have an extra pair of dress pants to fit him and could bring them to the venue. Tragedy averted. The image of DGS3 in a Tasmanian Devil tie and no pants flitted across my mind.

Everything was loaded and ready to leave for the venue. I laid the wedding gown carefully in the back of the car. The maid of honor and bride left with baby Annabel. Ditto DS3 and his family. DS1 locked the door and we were on our way. Finally the wedding was to take place. I almost shed tears of joy but remembered my carefully lacquered makeup and restrained myself.

Arriving at the venue I located all members of the party. The bride and maid of honor were in the bathroom ready to put on her gown. I spread a sheet on the floor and then The Dress. Carefully the bride was inserted into the creation by many hands. Now to lace her up. Luckily I had done this when marking the alterations and had brought my crochet needle to pull the laces through the loops otherwise we might still be lacing her up. This is why women used to need maids to help them dress. And why corsets went out of fashion when women ran out of maids.

Bride dressed, I handed out the flower baskets and ring pillow and sent them off for more photos. I told the bride's sisters to bring all the remaining paraphernalia down to the reception. Rounding up my grandsons I had them take the boxes of favors etc. to the reception room while I took the Unity candles to the minister. The wedding was being held on a different patio. The Odyssey Restaurant is a lovely venue renowned for its spectacular views across the entire San Fernando Valley. It has been added onto over the years to accommodate the popularity of functions held there. The drawback is that to access many of the different banquet rooms you must go us one flight of stairs, cross the main level and then descend a different staircase. The wedding was being held on a front patio and the reception in a room on the other side.

Candles delivered I went back up the stairs, across the restaurant, and down the other stairs to the reception room. I was glad I had remembered t wear my Tommy Copper knee brace. I was beginning to regret wearing my pretty beaded shoes that matched my dress. Comfortable when I put them on, they were beginning to hurt my feet. Oh well, I would be sitting down soon enough, right?

Quickly placing the guest seating signs in the centerpieces, I rounded up my grandsons and handed them the boxes of favors and bubbles to put out. The DJ introduced himself to me as did the Maitre D' for our room. Back to the wedding area. Up the staircase, across the restaurant, down another staircase. Tommy Copper was holding up but I wished I had worn my slippers instead of being prettily shod.

The wedding coordinator was lining up everyone for the bridal procession to the alter. Snatching the wandering flower girls and ringbearer back into line I fund DS1 who would escort me down the aisle. The bride and DH were somewhere to the rear but the coordinator would made sure she looked coming down the aisle. The groom and best man were up front. His cousin had arrived and been pushed into the job last minute. I noticed that several guests already had drinks in their hands. A faint flicker of apprehension tickled my spine. No time to worry now - the procession was starting.

The groom's parents were sent off. DS1 and I followed. Flower girls holding hands down the aisle were adorable. The ringbearer knew exactly what to do, No crying 3 year olds in this procession. Now the bride on the arm of her daddy. She was breathtaking, daddy proud and loving. As he gave her away he surreptitiously wiped tears from his eyes. DH always cries at his children's weddings, also baptisms, funerals, and Old Yeller. My big tough guy has a huge sentimental streak.

The minister did a lovely service. The couple were truly in love. It was slightly marred by the DGD1 flower girl swinging on the wedding arch but a hissed order from her grandmother averted collapse on the minister and bridal pair. A pity in view of later events . . . .
The happy couple Flower girls

Photos were taken afterwards with both families while the lucky guests escaped upstairs where the bar was now open. The photos seemed to last forever. The older flower girl kept whining for a drink. Her churlish expression and folded arm pose in the family wedding picture will be treasured.

Top L-R DS3, DH, groom, DS2, DS1, DD1, DSIL1
Middle L-R DDIL1, me, DGS1, bride, baby Annabel, baby Robert, DDIL2, DGS2
Bottom L-R DGD1 (note attitude), DGS3, DGD2, DGS4

Photos finished, the family all headed upstairs, across the restaurant, and down the other staircase. Although appetizers had been brought down to us we were all parched. Back in the reception room guests were finding their tables and getting drinks from the bar. The bridal party was introduced to mad clapping and cheers. Intercepting me in my dash to the bar the Maitre D' told me that no one had picked up their dinner tickets. The tickets were necessary so the waiters would know where to place the beef and chicken plates. Going to the microphone I announced there had been a last minute change in the menu. We were now having Surf & Turf and Chicken Marsala. If anyone had allergies to shellfish to please let me know. No allergies to the lobster but the groom's mother said she was allergic to alcohol - the chicken was cooked in wine. That dealt with I passed around the dinner tokens and tried to get to the bar.

It was not to be - a couple said they were not on any table list. ??? Oh yes, it was because I had been told they were not coming! Long time friends of the groom's family, so I reassigned a teenage cousin and seated them at that table. Again I headed for the bar and my cocktail when another emergency occurred! Was the Mother of the Bride to be cursed by never having a drink at this wedding?!

The groom had been assigned the job of bringing the special diaper bag for his infant daughter. OOPS! Annabel was now wet, hungry, and determined everyone should realize it. The bride was ordering the groom to return to the house for the bag. I suggested that we simply send someone to the nearest store for diapers, a bottle, and formula. NO! The bride had bought special pink noise cancelling headphones for the baby hoping she would go to sleep during the wedding. Like that would happen! They must be brought to the reception immediately. DS2 offered to make the 1 1/2 hour round trip diaper bag run. As soon as he left DS1 said he needed t go home and feed! WHAT?!

That emergency dealt with I finally got my cocktail. The first dance by the bride and groom was taking place. As I sipped my Mai Tai I was gad that the groom was present for it instead of racing down the freeway. The father/daughter dance was next followed by all the other traditional dances. Finally at my table I was again accosted by the Maitre D'. He pointed out that it was a quarter to 7, at which time dinner was to be served. Should chef delay preparation of the steaks and lobsters to wait for the missing guests? I told him to hold off serving until 7:15 hoping DS1 and 2 would have returned. The guests were happy and the bride and groom were circulating. My knee was holding up - thank you tommy Copper - so DH and I danced several times. Dancing was fun since I could no longer feel my feet in my pretty shoes.

Dinner service just as DS1 and 2 returned. All god. It was a lovely wedding. The children had crayons and activity books. They could go outside onto the large patio and there was a large open area at the back of the room. The children were also dancing with each other. Can't load up here since I took a video but adorable. 11 year old DGS2 asked the groom's 10 year old cousin to dance. Much hemming and hawing over it - first time to ask a girl. Sadly she turned him down having her eyes on his 14 year old brother. The attraction of an older man apparently.

Drinks kept flowing, waiters were pouring wine with dinner. The Surf & Turf and Chicken Marsala were delicious. Everyone was raving about the food, the decorations, the ceremony, and how beautiful the bride was. I had relaxed. Bad mistake.

My DDIL2's father and sister were seated at our table. I had heard that he enjoyed his drinks but had no firsthand knowledge. He jokingly said he would "buy a round" for our table. Then I noticed he was bringing straight shots. Uh Oh.

After dinner DDIL2's dad went to sit at the bar. Several of the young men were also at the bar as was DH. The groom was happy, too happy. I got another Mai Tai. The groom wanted to hug me but evaded him and returned to my table. He proceeded to hug and kiss his friends, including my 3 sons who held him off. He had reached the point of universal love. Not good.

Posting this now since lots more to come with more photos.

 

[Ridgetop]

A proud daddy with his 2 baby girls.


Resuming my tale . . . .

We had left the groom extremely happy . . . .

DD2 was now going around all the tables speaking to all the guests individually. She made me proud with her elegant bearing and polite manners. I was the only one who noticed the steely edge underlying her voice. The groom was still at the open area in the rear of the room and had now become boisterous. I found out later that he had attempted to descend the outside steps to the patio narrowly missing falling onto several children, including his own. DS1 had called the kids away from the danger area at which the groom added, "Yeah, get the F#%* out of here. He was retrieved by several men and returned to the banquet room. Unfortunately for him several of our family members were also sitting outside at the time.

A chair was placed in the open bar area where the groom's father, friends, annoyed father-in-law, and increasingly unfriendly brothers-in-law could keep him under control. The groom's father continually apologized to DH and myself for his son's drunken behavior. The groom escaped from his keepers and tried to rejoin the guests. The best man and DS3 retrieved the swaying groom and escorted him upstairs to the men's room. I was saddened to see that his feet were no longer walking - instead the toes of his shoes were trailing behind him on the carpet. The next is an accounting by DS3 who helped drag the groom into the bathroom. In the nick of time they got him into the toilet where he proceeded to vomit several times. Staggering out of the stall just as DS2 entered the men's room he decided to take a punch at him. As DS2 avoided the wild swing the groom reeled around and lost his balance. Falling back against the wall the groom proceeded to slide down into a hand dryer. The facility has the newer style hand dryers where you insert your hands from the top. The hand dryer came on. Shocked the groom leaped from the dryer and tried to turn to see what had attacked his nether regions. Unable to balance he spun around and collapsed back into the dryer. Again it came on, roasting him in a private area. He struggled but couldn't get out. By now DS3 and the best man were laughing so hard they could barely stand up. Prying him out of the dryer roughly they shoved his head in a basin and proceeded to run cold water over his head and face trying to sober him up.

While the groom was out of the room, the Maitre D' came to me and said that the bartender was worried that some of the guests were drunk and he wanted permission to close the bar. We had an open bar until 10:30 pm and it was barely 9:30 pm! But at this point I was becoming annoyed. My Alpha Bitch persona was emerging. Possibly a full moon? The behavior of the groom and his best man should have happened at the bachelor party, not the wedding. I ordered the bar closed. As soon as I had authorized it DH came up and said to close the bar. He had noticed the excessive drinking too.

Once more back in the reception the groom reeled towards the bar where his father-in-law was standing talking to DDIL's father. DDIL's father was also in a happy place, but is older, wiser, and a calm and pleasant drunk. DH was rapidly losing his patience with the groom. The groom had now entered the stage of alternately hugging and kissing his friends and threatening his new brothers-in-law that he could "take them out". As I passed him from the bar he made a grab for me, announcing that I was beautiful and he loved me. How sweet. The best man captured him, and his father warned him not to "paw the bride's mother". The groom was placed back on his chair and held in place by his dad and friends. His father removed his shoes. I'm not sure why. He had already taken away his car keys. Meanwhile another sober guest kept shoving water down him in an attempt to sober him up. A kind gesture but wasted.



The DJ now approached and suggested we have the champagne toast while the groom was still conscious. We also needed to cut the cake. I announced the toast and offered best wishes to all who were still able to comprehend what was being said. Obviously not the groom. The groom's stepmother was standing off to the side glaring at the groom, while his father tried to keep him upright on the chair. The groom, oblivious to the basilisk stare from DD2 was calling for his "beautiful bride" to come and kiss him. The groom then took a swing at DS1 and missed almost pitching headfirst out of his chair. DS1 patiently pushed him upright. My next view of the groom was of him attempting to dial his cell phone. Since he was holding it over the vomit bucket thoughtfully provided by the bartender, I was in hopes of seeing it drop in. I had lost all patience with the groom and just wanted to get this wedding over with.

Time to cut the cake and finish up. Since the bride was now standing at the cake table with a sharp knife in her hand and an unpleasant expression on her face, I had the men bring the groom and stand him on the other side of the table. Space between the bridal pair was optimal at this point. In very strong terms I warned DS2 and DS3 to hang onto the groom tightly since he could not stand on his own. All we needed was a picture of them with the cake and then I planned to lay him somewhere out of the way. The groom grabbed a server from the cake table and announced he would cut the cake. My son removed it before he could injure himself. My daughter was looking daggers at her beloved as I told her to hurry and cut the cake for the poised cameras. At that moment the best man lurched against the groom causing his brothers-in-law to lose their grip on him. With the cameras rolling the groom memorialized his wedding by planting himself face down into the wedding cake.

It was a Kodak Moment.

Yum Yum!


Pulling the groom out of the cake, DS3 grabbed a napkin and wiped is face free of the frosting. Dragging him to the chair his dad and DS3 planted him on it where he wobbled. I took a napkin and wiped up the globs of frosting that showered the floor. I did not want to soil my gown on them. Since I had finally removed my painful (but pretty) shoes, I also did not want to step in the sticky stuff. DS3 asked me in disgust to help clean up the groom. Grabbing 2 napkins i doused them in water and made for the groom. Seizing him by the hair I ruthlessly scrubbed his face clean. I was somewhat saddened to see DS3's quick reaction had freed his nostrils so he did not suffocate on the frosting. A finding of accidental death by wedding cake might have been a first for the coroner.

His father removed the groom's coat which retained large pieces of cake and frosting. There would be an additional cleaning fee when the tux was returned. Finding the Maitre D' I requested a large spoon with which to serve the remains of the wedding cake. Also black coffee all around.

No one except a few children ate the wedding cake.

My evening was not over yet. Now to get the happy couple home. No one on the groom's side seemed to be taking responsibility for their relative. I told DH we had a problem and he acknowledged it with a stern face. He said that he was actually grateful that none of our relatives had decided to attend. We agreed that we had been spared much gossip and embarrassment among our relatives. I wet around the room checking on who would be driving home. DH went to talk to the groom's father who kept apologizing for his son. Luckily DD2's neighbors had already taken DGD2 home with them to spend the night with her little friend. She had missed her father's spectacular dive into the cake. Considering the custody problem he has with the child's birth mother, this was a gift from God. I said a small prayer of thanks.

DH came back to report that the groom's father was taking him home. The best an's actions in pushing his cousin into the cake became clear when his girlfriend said she would be driving him home. The groom's stepmother denied all knowledge of them taking him home. They had to return to Big Bear that night (3-4 hours away) because they had to be at work the next day. OK. As I searched for another ride home for him, the groom's father appeared and said he as definitely taking him home. I told him just to open the bedroom door and give him a gentle push inside but he said he would undress him and put him to bed. The groom's aunt said she would drive DD2. DD2, after the wedding cake episode, had consoled herself with several drinks. It didn't matter - there would be no romantic coupling in the marital chamber - the groom was finally out for the count. I told DDs we would take Annabel home for the night but she tearfully insisted that her children were her life and she would take her baby with her. DDIL1 insisted on carrying the baby to the car for her since DD2 was now swaying like a young willow in a gale. She would be hard pressed to get herself up the stairs in her wedding gown, let alone carrying the baby!

Finally on our way home - the wedding was over but the night was not. As we turned onto our road I received a call from the groom's Aunt Nikki. She had mistakenly taken the wrong freeway and was only now approaching the venue again. Annabel was screaming with exhaustion in the bck seat. Nikki's daughter, 10, was unable t cam her and had herself burst into tears. DD2 now proceeded to go to pieces as well. She was demanding that Nikki pull over and let her out of the car with her baby. Nikki was then to call me to come and pick her up from the side of the road. I told Nikki to let me speak to DD2. DD2 refused to speak to me. Nikki wanted to know what she should do. I said to give the phone to DD2. There followed the sound of the phone being thrown around and some bad language from my child. I would have a stern talk with that young lady! When Nikki came back on the line asking if she should let her out of the car with the baby Alpha Bitch lost patience and snarled to just take DD2 home and shove her and the baby into her apartment!

Pulling into the driveway we were greeted by a strange scene. DS2's car stood in the drive with both doors open. DDIL2 stood helplessly while at her feet sprawled a motionless figure. It looked like either a homeless man was sleeping on our driveway or the sad victim of a hit and run. Pools of water showed where the distraught woman had attempted to revive him. DH asked if he had tripped and hurt himself but was assured that he was passed out drunk. No vomit was to be seen but DDIL2 assured us that it was because our devoted Anatolians had cleaned him up. This was really the last straw!!! In my preoccupation with the wedding, I had neglected the actions of DS2. In an attempt to make up for the 1 1/2 hours of the reception he had missed, he had doubled up his drinks during and after dinner. I told DS1 and DH to roll him onto his side so he didn't choke if he vomited again.

DS3 now arrived home. Seeing his brother stretched out on the asphalt he came over to investigate After one look his wife took the boys into the trailer to put them to bed. DS1 and DS3 stood laughing at their comatose brother and taking photos with which to humiliate him. I went in and removed my shoes and gown. If DS2 spewed I did not want it ruined. Returning outside I considered leaving him there since I did not want him being sick all over his bed and wife. DH and our sons were now making disparaging remarks abut their son and brother while congratulating themselves on their superior ability to hold their liquor. I sent DDIL2 off to bed assuring her we would take care of her errant husband. I went in search of a pillow and blanket but couldn't find any pillows that I was willing to sacrifice. I returned to the scene and told them to just leave him there till morning - the dogs would guard his. Faithful Bubba was already posed watchfully at his head - whether guarding a fallen family member or in anticipation of another tasty meal of vomit - who can say?

In the end, the compassion of men who have spent a night boozing it up on the town took over. They hauled the limp body into the bathroom where they draped him upright against the wall near the toilet. DS3 and DH then went to bed. I came down the hall in time to hear a loud thump. Looking into the bathroom I saw that DS2 had slumped to the side causing his head to impact the toilet. Did I feel compassion? Did I rush to make sure he had not concussed himself? No! My inner Alpha Bitch was prepared to rip out throats. DS1 suggested the time honored practice (among drunken young men) of drawing a part of private anatomy on his forehead with Magic Marker. I was tempted but he had to go to work on Monday. Instead we placed a child's tattoo on his forehead. from the grandchildren's rub on tattoos. It shocked him when he saw it.

 

[Baymule]

And all this was videoed? Talk about Thanksgiving entertainment! Play that and let the laughter begin! Hahaha!

 

[Ridgetop]

Yes there is a video. I am collecting more of them.

He did apologize profusely the next day to everyone. DH had a private heart to heart with him but that will last only as long as he is embarrassed by his behavior. When he found out that he had cussed at DDIL1's and DS3's children he was even more worried. DDIL1 can be dangerous in defense of her children.

DDIL2 is young and stupid. He needs to grow up. Getting drunk and thinking he can pick fights with people is a mistake. If he tries it on the wrong person he could be seriously hurt. And it gets old pretty quick at family gatherings. The family has instituted a joint resolution not to allow DSIL2 liquor at any gatherings. He is cut off from all liquor.

 

[Mini Horses]

Wow!!! Just WOW!

You were the wedding planner!??

No doubt in my mind, you are really glad it's over. Pack for TX!!!!!