My BJ, My Husband has Died

[Duckfarmerpa1]

@Baymule …I need to say my most sincere apologies…it’s been this long since I looked at the forum…

as the partner of a man who lives for his work on the land, I can only imagine your pain going through the steps to downsize, etc.

i will pray for you and your surgery

 

[Mini Horses]

@Duckfarmerpa1 nice to have you check in 🙂. Been a while. Hope things are going well.

 

[Baymule]

@Baymule …I need to say my most sincere apologies…it’s been this long since I looked at the forum…

as the partner of a man who lives for his work on the land, I can only imagine your pain going through the steps to downsize, etc.

i will pray for you and your surgery

Thank you for your prayers. I’m glad to see you here again.

 

[canesisters]

I just read this entire thread.
I am so very very sorry Bay.
Your comment this morning on the Coffee thread had me a little confused. I've been away from the forums & had no idea.
You've come such a long way. I know there are no words to really express accurately.... but, as someone who has walked this path for several years, I just want to try and assure you that it does get so much... less sharp. Memories will eventually bring more quiet smiles than tears.

 

[Baymule]

Thank you @canesisters . It’s been a tumultuous 15 months. Yes, I do smile at the memories. I’ve had a lot of loss, the hits just kept coming. I’m on a new farm now, I keep thinking BJ would love it. I prayed for God to put me where he wanted me to be and I’m happy here.

 

[Sundragons]

I'm so sorry Bay, I rarely check in and had no idea. I don't know what to say in situations like this other than I'm sorry. I'm glad you've found the strength to keep going and I know you will see each other again when it's time.

 

[Baymule]

Thank you @Sundragons i appreciate the kind words. And yes someday we will be together again.

 

[Baymule]

It’s been 2 years, 1 month and 1 day since I lost the love of my life.

I was scrubbing water buckets for the sheep this morning. Often times, when I’m bent over, it squeezes my phone and Siri will say things like, I didn’t quite catch that, or she will give me internet options to look up. I just tell her shut up. This morning I pocket dialed someone and it was ringing. I dug the phone out of my pocket to see who I was calling.

It was BJ

His name and number are still in my phone, but naturally I haven’t called that number in over 2 years.

Kinda a Wow moment.

I put the home back in my pocket. I bent over again. Siri simply said, You are The Wind Beneath My Wings.

I cried. It was one of our favorite songs. The other one, also a Josh Groban song, was, You Raise Me Up.

A little background, on our 13th anniversary I sent him flowers, 13 different ones. Friends of mine that ran a radio station recorded me dedicating the song to BJ and they put it on to play at lunchtime. On my lunch break I went to BJ’s work, they did too. They made sure the radio was playing. He was all excited about the flowers. My friends told him to sit down and be quiet, listen. My dedication came on, then the song, You Raise Me Up. I’ll never forget the look on his face. Tears of love and happiness rolled down his face.

Was BJ’s spirit calling me this morning? How did my phone go to his number and call it? Why did Siri say You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings?

It may sound silly, but I talked to my beloved.

https://starrball.livejournal.com/132228.html

 

[Baymule]

Wind Beneath My Wings"

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

You Raise Me Up Lyrics
by Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

 

[Baymule]

This is for you BJ

josh groban you taise me up - Google Search