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horse & husband related frustrations....

Discussion in 'Everything Else Horses, Mules & Donkeys' started by promiseacres, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. Apr 20, 2017
    promiseacres

    promiseacres True BYH Addict

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    @Bunnylady I think maybe you did get it!! As a teen I was so thrilled to meet a kind, hardworking guy who wanted to ride with me.... then after we got married almost 5 years later I came with a horse... which I sold because I didn't have time and he fussed about her needing a trainer.... de ja vu
    he does fuss at night if I head towards bed without informing him... he says I give up on things too easily yet I can't get help when I need it???? I do love him. But do feel like I am always fighting for me time. I also have 3 kids and homeschool... so I expect me to get crazy at times.
     
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  2. Apr 20, 2017
    AClark

    AClark Loving the herd life

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    Spoiled brat horses are the worst. Sounds like he's gotten buddy sour and gets his way by acting like a jerk when he's away from his buddy. Not that it's your fault, I totally get the time constraint with having kids and trying to work horses (I struggle with finding time too) but you have more on your plate with home schooling - I ship 4 out of 5 off on the school bus in the morning.

    I go through that a little bit too, though I've learned that I flat out have to ask for help. Not to man bash here, but I notice he, and most men, don't take initiative around the house. Now, if I ask, he'll do it, but it's a rare sight to see him just start cleaning things up (actually, it's usually because I haven't done it yet and he's pissy about the mess, then he'll get up and clean). I threaten to go on strike, and it's not an empty threat. Either I get help with a little of the clean up, or I won't pick up anything for a couple of days until I get my point across. I HATE seeing the house get messy, but it's also not ok with me to be overwhelmed and have to be the maid either.
     
  3. Apr 21, 2017 at 1:54 AM
    Latestarter

    Latestarter Novice; "Practicing" Animal Husbandry Moderator

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    Gosh... I'm feeling all "bashed" here... :hide Hope you get it worked out. :hugs
     
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  4. Apr 21, 2017 at 7:33 AM
    Pastor Dave

    Pastor Dave Loving the herd life

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    Well, @promiseacres, until I got to the end and saw LS join in, I was thinking better off just reading without adding in.

    I do hear these squabbles from men and women, as it's part of the job description. I try to push communication and that there's always both sides of the story. If one spouse wants to approach and discuss, I will listen, but usually always encourage a session with both.

    My personal life would prove most of ya gals right that I shy away from typical house cleaning. However, I do laundry and my share of the cooking. I get asked to dust up high before going out to do chores.
    I gripe abt doing this, knowing there will be no help with my chores. Jill does get bent out of shape sometimes if I spend too much time with the rabbits in the shed. She told me from the beginning I was on my own with rabbit related work.

    I try to compensate by being tolerant when she wants to go for an afternoon or evening with a gal pal. My job sometimes calls for leaving at a moment's notice, and it is in the back of mind that this will arise when I have the boys in my care.

    It is ok to have much different interests and activities as long as there is something mutual that can be enjoyed together. Communication at some point is also a must even if it has been suppressed a while and comes out with a little force. Eventually the conversation should get back to lower pressure, more stabilized language that gets both points across.

    Personally, I don't have the money to raise animals that don't support themselves in some way. Jill has always joked abt having a donkey. To which I say not if we can't eat it. (The subject is pretty moot anyway considering we aren't on our own property)

    I like riding horses, but ATV'S and dirt bikes seem to have taken over a lot of the work on ranches these days. I totally understand there is some limited areas horseback proves better over machines, but I prefer mechanical maintenance over the tremendous work it has to take to support even one horse.

    Sometimes we have to agree that one's interests aren't ours, but be supportive if the other is into it. Compensation, cohabitation, and compromise coupled with communication are the keys.

    Someone with those type of chores and trying to homeschool needs a break and some relief at some point. I would also think it wise to investigate the needs of the one going off to work and preferring to spend a little more time at home. Praying you get the chance to have a heart to heart and both get the opportunity to express feelings and needs(abt what to do with the horse, of course ☺)
     
    Baymule, Bunnylady and NH homesteader like this.
  5. Apr 21, 2017 at 9:32 AM
    frustratedearthmother

    frustratedearthmother Herd Master

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    Well, it's a good thing that you've never "bashed" an ex-wife or anything, lol! :hide (Dang, I'm gonna get banned for that one...)

    But, seriously - we all do it. Men and women are different creatures. It's about tolerance most of the time. My DH can do something that drives me up the wall at times and I try to just smile. I make him crazy too - but he's the most patient man in the world so I try to appreciate him and love him (and all of his idiosyncrasies)!


    AMEN!
     
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  6. Apr 21, 2017 at 9:57 AM
    Latestarter

    Latestarter Novice; "Practicing" Animal Husbandry Moderator

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    Hmmm I don't THINK I've said anything negative about the blinkity blank exes... Mighta slipped though :hide And so everyone knows, I am of the impression that I was the perfect hubby...:duc
     
  7. Apr 21, 2017 at 10:28 AM
    frustratedearthmother

    frustratedearthmother Herd Master

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    :yuckyuck

    We're ALL perfect spouses in our own minds, lol!
     
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  8. Apr 21, 2017 at 10:33 AM
    AClark

    AClark Loving the herd life

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    Maybe THAT's why I'm on my 3rd marriage...I'm too perfect! LOL
     
  9. Apr 21, 2017 at 10:43 AM
    NH homesteader

    NH homesteader Herd Master

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    :lol: you guys are hilarious
     
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  10. Apr 21, 2017 at 11:07 AM
    promiseacres

    promiseacres True BYH Addict

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    :p
    we did talk more... he seems to be coming around to understanding that the horses need more time.... though not at the expense of a tree... so found other places to tie. Both are improving and if nothing else I am doing something with them...