IS this even a farm? Canesister's 2026

[farmerjan]

Temps at 8 this morning... snow, and quite a coating of ice... Have not been out yet... not near as much snow as they said... turned to icy stuff by 3 am...
Power on.. supposed to be icier all day...

 

[fuzzi]

Power is still on, coffee brewed.


It's 28° and misting. Everything is covered in a glaze of ice. It looks wet, but is ice.

Feral cats fed, chickens fed, ice in watering tubs broken up, dog walked.

 

[canesisters]

Sorry everyone. I've been out of touch for a few days.
Everything was going fine, power stayed on, nobody got hurt in the ice, critters staying fed.
Monday afternoon we started packing Dad up to go home. We had all his stuff (except his cat) loaded in his car. I suggested that we go down first in my car (all wheel drive) & then come back for his car.
When we stepped in his house immediately I saw water standing in the dining room & soaked carpet halfway across the living room.
Looked like the hot water heater had leaked. I shut off the main, grabbed some towels & the pack of puppy pads I gave him years ago to put under his litter box () & started sopping.
I took pictures & told him to call his insurance.
He lasted about 5 mins & was so frustrated... yelling at the computer. I took over, got a person, got the claim started. We gathered up some extra stuff to take back to my house & went back up to get the shop vac out of the barn. I vacuumed up as much water out of the carpet as I could & set up a couple of fans.
There is a HUGE soft spot in the floor between the utility room & the dining room. It looks to me like there has been a leak of some sort for a long time in that area. The 'flood' was obviously something different... but I'm worried to death that insurance is going to deny coverage because of it.
The plumbers came out Friday so we could get a report to submit to the insurance. Waiting to hear back Monday.

I've apparently spent way too much time alone. Having a live-in guest for this long .... or maybe having this particular live-in guest is driving me crazy.
If anybody had any tips on how to handle this I would be oh so grateful. Both for tips on dealing with the insurance company & for dealing with my Dad.

I'm a fairly conservative person. I have no interest in violent, nasty movies or TV. But we've been watching Andy Griffith, the Dick Van Dyke Show, My 3 Sons, and ... when I can't stand black & white anymore, Highway to Heaven.
Happy Days & Lavern and Shirley are too risqué (someone has stripped down to they're undies ). Someone said Dam! in Star Trek the other day ...
He will only eat what I cook for him.... I'm not used to cooking... and cleaning up after 3 meals a day.
"What do you want for dinner Dad?"
"I don't care hun, whatever you want to fix is fine with me"

"Dad can I show you how to work the TV? I feel bad that you don't have anything to do while I'm at work"
"I'm fine. I don't mind just sitting here"

I leave the radio on, he turns it off because it uses too much electricity 'for just him'.

He gets huffy when I'm using my phone - on Facebook or the internet... "You sure spend an awful lot of time staring at that thing don't you"
But if we're talking and his rings, I'm invisible for the next hour.

I think I've mentioned on her before about the condition of his house. Not at all clean... not even a little bit. And how he won't let me help.

I'm just so frustrated & I feel like this is going to be a somewhat long term arraignment. At some point I've got to get that house cleaned up... on top of arranging the repairs. And just how extensive is all that going to end up.

The best I've gotten out of my sister is getting her to call him a few times.

I'm trying to remember that this is a rare opportunity. To be grateful. Many folks never get a chance to sirens time with their elderly parents.
.... but we've NEVER had that warm fuzzy parent/child relationship.

I'm just venting. It'll all be fine eventually. It's an adjustment for us both.
We're trying to let his cat out in the house for very brief periods. At least, opening his bedroom door & my cat(s) going in for a few moments. If this goes on for weeks, I can't see keeping him cooped up in there the whole time.

Thank goodness the chickens & Eva are doing well. I would lose it if I had to deal with some of the livestock issues @farmerjan has had.

 

[Mini Horses]

More than likely the homeowners won't cover much -- most water damage from inside rarely is. If your dads finances allow, hire a cleaner! As to soft spot, that will need to be investigated, before it gives way totally and he falls thru.

Yeah, seniors with inactivity become as you describe. May be time to have a "meeting" with sister about dads lifestyle & needs. . Ultimately you'll need to anyhow but with both house & visit testing your limits....I'd say sooner is better

 

[farmerjan]

Vent... we all need to....

I don't have any good ideas for dealing with your dad.... if he turns off the radio, that is his problem/deal... You cannot make him listen to it, cannot make him "spend the electricity"...
When he makes the comment about how much time you "spend staring at that thing" the next time tell him that you do not have a newspaper, that you get your information from that instead of a printed newspaper that costs way more than the electricity to "run the phone/computer"... and many of your friends work LIKE YOU DO, so don't have the same hours off during the day/night, to talk... so this is how you manage to keep in touch... Most will go over his head because he doesn't want to hear it...
Time the next phone calls he gets and just ups and ignores you... then tell him that you are entitled to that much time to yourself, just like he took that time for himself and his phone call...
Tell him you are checking on ME, your friend with 200+ head of cattle and frozen water troughs, and a cow that cannot get up on her own, so we are using a lift like they would do in a hospital for people.... and snow/ice so hard it is worse than concrete...
AND my health issues... I'm good for taking some "blame"....

I could not deal with someone in the house all the time like you are... been alone too long too.... God Bless you for that...

Agree with @Mini Horses ... time for a very serious talk with your sister... IN PERSON... IN DAD's house... so she has to face the reality of the situation, in her face...
If she is close enough then she needs to step up and help... or you need to be the one to take the responsibility and she might not like the choices... she cannot have her cake and eat it too and ignore the realities of it... if she does, then she cannot complain or make an issue over what you are doing to try to make his life a little better...

Don't have any answers for his house/damage/floor or water situation... just one more thing for you to HAVE to deal with.... get the plumbers report and then go from there... worrying about it will not get you anywhere today...
Invest in a TV for the spare room/ where he is staying... and tell him he can watch what he wants... but that there are things you might want to watch on occasion, that are different and this way he does not HAVE to watch them.....and if he does not want to listen to the radio, that's his choice... BUT... you work for the money to pay for the electricity and there are times you want it to just play for the sound of the music and other people's voices... YOUR PREFERENCE...

He is not going to start doing cleanup or cooking at this stage of the game... You are going to have to find premade/ready to cook stuff that he will eat and just deal with it... there are no easy answers at that age... and if you don't want to cook all the time, with working your changeable schedule, that is understandable...
When people get older, they seem to think that they need to be agreeable or they won't be loved or will be a burden... tell him that if he does not tell you something definite that he wants, then he will have to eat whatever you feel like making... OR NOT MAKING.... but that it would help with the grocery shopping to have some things in mind so you can get things at the store when you are out.... SAVING GAS and a trip to the store.,.. so saving "money" by not making special trips out...
Cook things ahead and make up your own, heat and eat things from the leftovers... so ending all the "what would you like/anything you want to make" kind of conversations...

Love ya, girl....

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Lots of good suggestions there. I had both of my parents with dementia with me for a while. I'll never forget the day my dad asked me when I was going to go home. LOL - I had to remind him he was in MY house!

 

[fuzzi]

I had a little experience dealing with an elderly parent, but when he pushed me, I told him to go home...to his RV parked by my house.

He didn't understand why I would look at my phone, but would sit and watch television for hours. Football

You've gotten good advice. Try to not stress out. You're in my prayers.

 

[canesisters]

This morning I did the cast/screen mirror thing & put my phone screen on the TV so he could see Facebook for the first time. He watched one of the church folks doing a live video driving down the road to show the conditions. Then all the picts that his friends (near & far) were sharing of their yards.

I'm slowly filling the fridge with dinner leftovers so he's going to have to help me clean those up before their wasted.
And he got a lesson on how to work the remote. Amazing that he can now find Tubi & select episodes of his favorite old black&white classics

 

[fuzzi]

This morning I did the cast/screen mirror thing & put my phone screen on the TV so he could see Facebook for the first time. He watched one of the church folks doing a live video driving down the road to show the conditions. Then all the picts that his friends (near & far) were sharing of their yards.

I'm slowly filling the fridge with dinner leftovers so he's going to have to help me clean those up before their wasted.
And he got a lesson on how to work the remote. Amazing that he can now find Tubi & select episodes of his favorite old black&white classics

You got this!

 

[Baymule]

We took my mother to live with us after her stroke. At BJ's suggestion, I quit my job to care for her. It was hard, she wanted supper every night, meat, 2 vegetables, bread and dessert. Plus breakfast and lunch.

Just keep telling yourself, HE WILL GO HOME.

I called my sister to scream. She sure didn't want our mother so she just let me vent, it helped.

Insurance is horrible, they wiggle out of paying for anything if they can. maybe there was a leak, but the flood is a "new" thing and hold their feet to the fire. Get an attorney if necessary, a consultation would be beneficial. Start looking for a person to fix things. Get references. Don't pay until the job is done. If he wants money to pay for materials, meet him there and pay for it. A contract with start and FINISH date!

What kind of pipe? Hopefully it is PVC!